honesty | insight | and iced coffee.

be still.

2012-02-15T12:56:00.000-06:00

today is one of those days when there seems to be a lot going on
or at least a lot of running from one thing to the next.
work this morning - then going to pick up some pottery that I painted with my mom & sister in law - then going to class - then dropping off the movie that we rented last night (did you know there are some bestbuy kiosks in 7-11 that still let you rent movies? we rented the newest twilight movie last night, for 1.99!) - then home for a bit - then to Josh & Leahs (this is the part I'm looking forward to most today! Getting to spend some time with my nephews!)

It's just a full day. I also have lots on my mind - it's been one of those weeks where it seems like my mind is going a mile a minute. It's interesting how it seems like my mind isn't sleeping like it should be.. seems like a million things are flying through at once..

I was just looking out the window, and big fluffy snowflakes are falling down. And things are good. Things may be full, and there is a lot going on, but I am not complaining. Things are good. I would just like to be spending the rest of the afternoon at a coffee shop with a good book or a good friend, and just spend some time being still. It's just one of those days.

mystery

2012-02-08T09:30:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking a lot about my "testimony" lately
there are so few times in life when you really get asked to sit down and tell your whole faith story
When I was younger there were more chances - when I first got baptized and times at camps or retreats.
When I did youth group we regularly did "God talks" as leaders, which included sharing something about our faith journey with our youth kids, and I especially got these opportunities in our small groups.
As an adult I have been asked less - don't get me wrong, I still have opportunities to share my story in small bits, and I'm not actually dying to stand in front of a large group and talk.
When we started our caregroup about 3 years ago we also shared our testimonies to get to know one another on a deeper level.
I started thinking about it because we have been going to our new church (Kilcona) for a year now (time flies) and it is feeling more and more like HOME to us. I have gone alone without Michael - which was a big step for me. When I started feeling more and more disconnected from my previous church home (my church home of 26 years!) I was afraid to go alone. There was one Sunday that Michael was on worship team so we went early so he could practice and I stood in the foyer and realized it wasn't my home anymore. This was based on circumstances and experiences of our own - I am not in anyway putting down that church! There are still tons of people that we love there, and the reality is, it just was time for us to get a fresh start. It was just a huge struggle for me as I realized I was a stranger in what used to be very familiar territory for me.
Attending a new church was hard at first, but we have instantly felt welcomed at Kilcona. It also helps that we have a community there now, with my brother & sister (and my nephews) as well as 2 other couples that we are becoming better friends with all the time.
They have been announcing membership classes at Kilcona recently, and although I'm not sure we're there quite yet this time around I have started thinking about what I would say if asked to do my testimony when deciding to become members of our new church. I always love hearing testimonies. I love hearing stories of transformation, both radical & subtle. I love hearing stories of God's faithfulness in someones life whether that is over a relatively "easy" life, or one full of huge mountains and valleys. I love hearing why people are passionate about Jesus, and about the church.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that for me to be very honest about my story I have to keep it simple.

My faith journey could really be divided into 2 major life sections thus far. From age 5-23 and 23 & on (I'm almost 27, so basically 4 years). I had the amazing blessing of being born into a very God centred family and home. Both my parents & both sets of grandparents were very visible examples of a life of faith. In elementary school I went to public school and didn't find it strange that some of my friends weren't Christians, it was just who I was. I started singing in the Winnipeg Mennonite Children's Choir when I was 9 and Mrs. Litz's first lesson every year is to teach us the song "God is my Song"

God is my song, in strength he reigns victorious.

High is his name, and all his works are glorious.

Earth, sea, and heaven to him belong.

She was a huge part of my life, and helped me realize that we are given gifts in life to glorify God, so thats how we should use them. So, singing in choir & at church has always been a huge part of my identity & faith walk ever since. I was also always involved in youth group, bible studies, prayer groups, missions trips and so on. After high school I went on the Outtatown program which stretched my faith because it dragged me out of my comfort zone (with some kicking and screaming if I am being honest). On Outtatown I re-evaluated my use of singing as my main connection with God, feeling like I had just started singing the words without any meaning. I didn't sing for 3 months until I had really worked through some pride & obstacles, and could finally sing fully in honesty.

There weren't that many major struggles in my life that caused me to question or challenge God. Until 2008 when our family was rocked to our cores. I still remember exactly where I was when my mom called to tell me that my first nephew was just delivered but he wasn't breathing. I remember walking to tell my co-worker and stumbling through a fog. I remember yelling at the gas station attendant when he asked me why I was having such a terrible day. I remember feeling total & complete loss & what felt like abandonment. I remember holding the most perfect little baby boy and praying silently through tears that God would show up. I remember sitting in front of the computer listening to the song "lost" over and over again

If roses are meant to be red

And violets to be blue

Why isn't my heart meant for you

My hands are longing to touch you

But I can barely breathe

Starry eyes that make me melt

Right in front of me

Lost in this world

I even get lost in this song

And when the lights go down

That is where I'll be found

(** I realize this song is likely about a man/woman relationship, but the idea of being lost just fit how I was feeling, and no other song felt quite right that night)

My faith was shaken in a way that I didn't expect it could be. I would cry all the time, and it was very lonely. People who were well meaning would say things that felt like they were punching me in the gut. Things about God's timing. God not giving us more than we can handle. God working out all things for his purpose. Extreme grief isn't something that can be fixed with simple faith solutions, and that was really hard for me. I had to re-evaluate things because I realized that for me, faith was pretty easy because I didn't have anything really challenging it. (for the record: I don't think God did this to us, especially not to teach us something. I think that our world is not perfect and death is a painfully bitter reality of it. But I do believe that God redeems pain.)

When I had no words to pray or to explain to people I would just sing alone, or play the piano. A friend of mine & I put together a worship night of songs around the theme of lament at one point, and those songs were often my prayers.

Here is where the "keep it simple" part comes in. One of the songs became the reconnection for me, of my faith before we lost Jay, and my ongoing faith now. It is called "Mystery" by Charlie Hall:

Sweet Jesus Christ my sanity

Sweet Jesus Christ my clarity

Bread of Heaven, broken for me

Cup of salvation, held out to drink

Jesus, mystery

Christ has died and Christ is risen

Christ will come again

Celebrate His death & rising

Lift your eyes, proclaim His coming

Celebrate His death & rising

Lift your eyes, lift your eyes!

That was it. As simple as that. When all else feels like it fails me, when people say the wrong thing, when I stop feeling at home somewhere, when everything is crumbling (or so it feels) there is one truth. One solid thing to hold onto.

Christ died. Christ is risen. Christ will come again.

My faith in some ways is new, because I have had to rely on God in ways I never did before. But in other ways, at the core, I still hold true to the one truth that is Jesus that I have always known. Things are not magically "easy" now, I am still full of struggle & times of doubt & other trials. I still have to keep my mind as centred on Christ as possible or I can have times where I'm overwhelmed with grief & our loss. I could try to explain my faith in fancy ways now, but it is basically all about that one truth - trying to live life in light of that, with constant hope & expectation and total faith in Jesus. The key words: trust & trying. and holding onto one simple truth.

cupcakes!

2012-01-28T17:11:00.003-06:00

So I have been spending the afternoon baking fleisch perishky and browsing recipe blogs to pin to my recipe board, and I found a link to this:

http://www.hartfordholidays.com/cupcakecruise/Home.html

A CUPCAKE CRUISE!

Can you even imagine how great that would be??? travelling, being warm, and learning to bake better & more unique cupcakes from some of the experts. ahhh-mazing if you ask me.

Plus, bonus - the cruise starts from a port in New Jersey which is my next travel destination on my list...

Who wants to join me?

stories of cabbage soup

2012-01-25T12:59:00.001-06:00

i have two things on my mind currently. well 3 actually.

1. how much my neck hurts
2. seasonal affective disorder
3. food seniors like

quite the variety hey?

1. how much my neck hurts is the thing least on my mind of the 3. but it's there. i slept funny on Sunday night, spent Monday laying down, was a bit better on Tuesday and then kept me up all night last night. well, I slept in little pockets. I woke up multiple times to either go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. One time I also woke up because I had a cat sleeping across my throat! And one time because of a ridiculous dream. But each time it was hard to lift my head off my pillow because my muscles feel so strained. Laying down doesn't really seem to help, but I have yet to master sleeping in the standing position. anyway, moving on.

2. seasonal affective disorder:

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is episodes of depression that occur at a certain time of the year, usually during winter.

People who live in places with long winter nights are at greater risk for SAD.

Symptoms usually build up slowly in the late autumn and winter months. Symptoms are usually the same as with depression:

Increased sleep and daytime sleepiness
Less energy and ability to concentrate in the afternoon
Loss of interest in work or other activities
Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
Social withdrawal
Unhappiness and irritability

Now I was reading about SAD in a magazine the other day. I have been off of my antidepressants for a good few months now and I have been feeling good. There are little bouts of struggle, but along with being on anti-depressants I think I learned a few other things that help me - being around family & a few "safe" friends, exercising, spending lots of time with Michael, spending time at home and with my cats (sounds crazy, but i really do love them, and they provide great companionship), bubblebaths and doing things I like/hobbies: cooking, baking, photography, stampin' etc., Prayer, church and being honest about where I am at. I don't feel the same as I did last year when I finally went to see someone about the depression I was in. But there are definitely more glimpses of the "symptoms" of SAD than I would openly want to admit.

The one that I struggle with most is social withdrawal. feeling unlike myself doesn't make me want to see more people, it makes me want to keep to myself. But the more I keep to myself, the more I build up the worry about seeing other people. For me, it's a vicious cycle. But for me, I have a good handful of safe friends that I can be myself entirely around. And I have great family! (and 2 nephews that are the best pick-me-up ever!) It is hard though, to try and explain to people why I don't seem to ever get together with anyone. It is hardly ever personal! (99% of the time!) But then again, all of my 'safe' friends don't really question that (at least not openly to me) so I shouldn't worry about the rest.

I find that the more honest I am that I'm still struggling helps a lot. Even good stress is stress, and sometimes it may be effects of SAD and other times it may just be stress that is part of regular life. I try to just take life one day at a time! I am feeling very much like myself though, which is very different from last winter, and I don't take that for granted.

3. food seniors like

once a month the seniors at the church I work at get together for a "friendship group lunch". I love the seniors of this church. I have gotten to know most of them better than anyone else in the church (most other age groups aren't in the church building during the week in the daytime). They always stop to chat and always have nothing but kind things to say. I also love that they call it "friendship group lunch". I look forward to being a senior! (i'm in no rush, I just hope that I like it as much as I anticipate liking it!)

anyway, back to the point. Every month they have the same thing, with just a slight change. Every month it is soup, a bun and some type of platz. Now, I love a good bowl of soup, but so far all of the soups have been cabbage with a few other things and spices to change it up. But every month, there it is again, cabbage soup. Reminds me of Charlie & the Chocolate factory, and how Charlies family survives on Cabbage Soup. Not my favorite. Plus, all morning it smelled like lasagna, and then.. it was cabbage soup with a few kidney beans! But, they share with me every time so I'm not really complaining.

I just wonder, do you get to a certain age where you crave cabbage soup & platz? I love baking, and I never feel the desire to bake platz. Is that "sacrilegious" as a mennonite to say that?? I enjoy a piece of platz once and awhile, but every time? Maybe I should create a suggestion box so I can put a suggestion in it once and awhile. A good coffee cake to offset the cabbage soup. no? just me??

anyway, that is my mind this afternoon. Now to run some errands and go to school, while trying to keep my neck as still as possible!

a visit with my 2 favourite little men.

2012-01-19T10:10:00.001-06:00

yesterday I stopped at the hospital after school to visit Roger, and when I got there mom & dad were there with Everett, so I got to hang out with my 2 favourite little boys at once!

When Leah got out of the bed, Everett took it over & josh was giving him "rides" on the bed (folding it up & then flat, moving it up & down), so I took a little video, I love hearing his sweet little voice! He says "again" which is one of his most commonly used words & then starts chatting & then ends talking about another favourite thing: auntie's cats.

after Mom/Dad/Ev left I was able to spend time alone with Josh, Leah & Roger & soak up some good snuggle time.

I am a very happy auntie!!

I'm an auntie again!!!!!

2012-01-17T17:55:00.001-06:00

today was the big day!! I'm an auntie for the 3rd time and I am so thankful. I had a hard time falling asleep last night out of excitement and this morning we met my parents in st boniface hospital & we all went up to the 3rd floor to wait (as patiently as possible!!)

our first glimpse of the little bundle was when they wheeled him by, all we saw was a cute snuggly white blanket, round & snug. josh was in scrubs** & leah was being wheeled in on the hospital bed behind. So we knew all was well, but.. more waiting! josh was good about coming out to see us & giving us details. we ended up needing to wait till the early afternoon to go up to meet him, but he was well worth the wait!!

(** funny tidbit. when josh was in scrubs a lady was talking to him for awhile, because he looked like a surgeon on his break! so, he is now officially unofficially, Dr. Phil Cottonball!)

so, I am the very proud auntie of a sweet little boy:

Roger Thomas Klassen

Born January 17th, 10:11am

7 lbs 15 oz

19 1/2 inches long

and sweet as can be!!

Here are some pictures:

everett knew that today was a birthday, so we got him a cupcake to eat when he came to meet roger

granny & poppa getting their first glimpse

when we were finally able to come in & see him, Dad was up so fast & beat us all into the room!!

so tiny & sweet! I see both Jay & Everett in him, and I love that he is a mix, but his own little person at the same time.

uncle mikey getting a turn

very happy & beautiful momma with Roger

the cutest!!! he also makes the sweetest little squeaks.

3rd time auntie!

poppa stealing a smooch

proud parents!

roger - my newest obsession!!

let's call a crafter a crafter.

2012-01-16T20:09:00.000-06:00

as I have said in a previous post, pinterest has become one of my favourite things
it's so fun to organize all the wonderful things I find on the internet & to see what other people have been browsing & pinning.

I am a big fan of crafts & anything DIY (do-it-yourself) - I think that is also why I love baking & cooking, because it's all kinda crafty & its fun to experiment.

I have tried not to spend too much of my 'pinning' time on items that I want to BUY because Michael & I are trying to be wise with our money & also, it's quite easy to become greedy! so instead, I've been looking for ideas for our new house, DIY projects & recipes. however, this has presented a new, unanticipated (for me) semi-problem

comparing!

I have been browsing some wonderful blogs. Blogs written by women that I think I could be friends with (they seem so creative & interesting), women that are incredibly gifted, creating recipes from scratch & coming up with wonderful home-made ideas. Sometimes I feel just like a copy cat of sorts.

I find that if I spend too much time thinking about it, it makes me think that I'm not creative or crafty or skilled.. all of which I know to be untrue! (not to toot my own horn, but let's call a crafter a crafter!) why is it so easy to see other peoples skills as a personal weakness...?? frustrating!

so, I'm ending my ridiculous pity party before it officially starts. i mean, I'm in a card club for crying out loud! that is crafty!! :)

on a much different note.. in just over 12 hours I will be meeting the newest klassen baby, and I will be an auntie for the 3rd time. I can hardly sleep I am so excited. I am excited to see what everett will think of his new sibling. i am very confident that Everett will instantly love this new baby.

being an auntie is the best!

ev's 2nd birthday, i made him tractor* cupcakes (*iced like grass with tractor pictures on sticks, they were cute!)

just hanging out, playing with his new toys in his elmo pj's from moi

this was christmas, ev & I were hanging out, eating chocolate cheerios

dreaming in kitchens

2012-01-04T20:42:00.000-06:00

pinterest has become my new favourite thing thanks to an invite from my friend christine - I love searching for ideas for our house, for DIY projects, for clever tips & of course, for recipes
i am realizing that as we design our home (to hopefully be built in 2013) there are a few areas of the house that I care most about their design & their look - the kitchen, the laundry room & our ensuite. i have always liked bold colours & I am thinking it will be no different in our new home. I also really like a bit of a vintage feel (if only i had a friend who was into vintage.. just joking, audrey is one of my inspirations!)
functionality, simplicity & a fresh feel are 3 of the most crucial things for me.
since the actual decision making stage is still semi-far off I am having fun just gathering all kinds of photos, blogs, and magazine clippings to inspire me.
here are my current favourite inspirations. and the last photo is a photo that will have a prominent spot in my kitchen.

source

my inspiration - my sweet grandma (the summer after my dad was born)

new post on my photo blog

2012-01-01T14:19:00.001-06:00

i put up a post on my photography blog

little photoshoot of my parents

http://photographybyashleymarie.blogspot.com/2012/01/blessed-2-of-my-favourite-klassens.html

being me?

2011-12-31T00:34:00.002-06:00

ever feel like you're stuck between two worlds?
sometimes i feel young, like I am just on the cusp of so many new beginnings
and other times I find myself feeling older than my 26 years

I guess I am somewhat of a mixture of the two
just sometimes i feel like i should spend a lot of time explaining myself rather than just being myself. however, that could likely just be my own insecurity.

with the new year about to start in just a couple of days i've been thinking about the idea of resolutions. some years i've made more "extreme" resolutions (one year i didn't eat fries, chocolate or drink pop for the whole year... the year was not as tasty as it could be!!) and other years i don't even give it a second thought to even contemplate making any. this year i'm thinking, maybe i should make a resolution to find ways to just be me - to enjoy it and to grow in confidence.

i'm feeling like this is making more sense in my head...

time for bed!

on a different note.. my husband is the world greatest drummer.
super talented & just loves playing. watching him makes me smile the whole time. he is great!

felix navidad from fargo

2011-12-21T19:14:00.002-06:00

michael & i decided to come to fargo for a few days this week
i had some holidays left to take before the end of the year, so I decided to take them before & after Christmas. we had wanted to go away for our anniversary in September, but a financially hard summer left us realizing that spending money on a hotel would not be the smartest thing at the time
so, this is a late anniversary, early christmas get away

i'm writing from our room at the wingate hotel in fargo
i got us upgraded to a king sized bed (i had the BEST sleep last night. surrounded by at least 4 pillows!)
we got here yesterday around lunch, and then found out that our hotel has a "happy hour" where they put out free appetizers (yesterday we had salad, chips & salsa, trail mix - they also had mashed potatoes & pulled pork!! - tonight we had salad, chips & salsa, pizza & wings!) as well as free beer & wine. we had enough there tonight that we won't be having supper.

we have shopped, swam, sat in the hot tub, watched mini marathons of 2 of our favourite tv shows and enjoyed restaurants that we don't have in manitoba (space aliens yesterday & qdoba today)

it has been wonderfully relaxing & so fun to just hang out the two of us. tomorrow morning we'll sleep in, enjoy a free breakfast at the hotel, do a little more shopping (have to get in a 2nd trip to target) and then head home in the later afternoon i think.

there is NO snow here, and today it was +4 - I didn't even need to wear my jacket at all, which is super nice when going in & out of stores. my christmas shopping is now 99% done! amazing how we are only 4 hours away but it feels like way further. (however i did have a dream last night that we went to hawaii with my parents, josh, leah & ev... and I'd be good with that!)

hope you are all finding times to relax this week before christmas!

happy birthday everett!

2011-12-18T21:37:00.003-06:00

i used the left over icing from his cupcakes to make this little birthday plate message :)

Today is the 2nd birthday of my 2nd nephew

everett john

the sweetest little peanut!

i am constantly amazed at how quickly he learns

how easily he laughs

and how i love him more every time i see him

we had his party tonight & afterwards mike & I were talking about how ev is basically our favourite thing in the world. we just love him so much and love that he knows us & loves us too!

we are very blessed to be auntie ash & uncle mikey to such a special little boy.

happy 2nd birthday peanut.

we love you!!!

christmas aspirations

2011-12-15T13:11:00.000-06:00

school is done!!
time for Christmas :)

I have already been working on the things on my "christmas aspirations list" (an idea given to me by my fabulous friend audrey) She made my list all fancy for me and it's up on my fridge. A good way to make sure that I do the things I love doing around Christmas!

i baked sugar cookies last night with my sister phoebe & my mom-in-law, i put my christmas cards to out-of-town friends in the mail today, mike put up our lights on the house last night (first time we've had lights on the house since we got married!), michael & i made a snowman at midnight a few weeks ago when it was snowing so beautifully. we made a snowman and then went for a walk as the snow was falling. i have sung stille nacht numerous times (this is the first year in a long time that i'm not singing at mcivor on christmas eve. partially because i'm not part of the choir this year and also because the service was cancelled), we have attended 2 christmas plays (eastview dinner theater and kilconas christmas play) we have officially had egg nog in the house since monday, we bought and decorated our real tree this week..

i made a wreath out of white & green yarn as well as some gold twig things. it's hanging in the kitchen. i have also gone through a few potfuls of stovetop potpurri.. smells like christmas to me.

my afghan is a continuous project.. i almost have 175 squares done!

having family over/visiting with family is not one of my aspirations that i will cross off because i want to keep visiting the whole season long!!

we are planning to make a gingerbread house with everett on the 26th (the day our family is celebrating christmas) i think it'll be fun and messy!

the second side of my list is not as complete.. i have watched 2 of the 4 movies on my list, made my own ornaments, listened to christmas music constantly. i have volunteered - singing at a woman's brunch - and that is where my list ends. i am very much looking forward to puzzling, skating, tobogganing, and hopefully i can find some home videos to watch.

i love the season of Christmas. time to slow down and spend time with family. michael & i are also going to have our own little christmas - we are going to fargo next week for 3 days! And - as a wonderful christmas bonus - Chad will be home this weekend!! we are very thrilled.

if anyone is having trouble getting into the christmas season you should watch one of my all time favorite christmas videos. it is so wonderful, sweet and simple that it makes me tear up every time. especially when they have a party. the season of christmas can become so busy. but the story and the gift of christmas is so wonderful, simple and amazing!

on the verge of an opera induced breakdown!

2011-12-09T09:58:00.001-06:00

ok it's official
i'm on the verge of a school induced stress meltdown
today i feel like I could cry about anything and everything!
tomorrow is the dreaded exam and I just have not put as much work and time into it as I should
I find it very hard to pour hours & hours into something that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, BUT, I also want to do well.
right now I'm feeling overwhelmed at the fact that I will be up till the wee hours tonight studying, and then again in the morning. Michael is driving me to my exam so that I can keep studying in the car on the way there, and also so we can go on a date afterward
tomorrow evening I will be school free (until January!)
I will be attempting to appeal the music course that I'm signed up for next semester, and if that goes my way.. I will only have 1 biology course left (I have never been so excited about biology in my life. mainly due to the fact that it's not a music history course)
I don't think I'd be as stressed if my exam didn't require me being able to know:
45 songs (he plays a 30 second clip and then you have to know the name, composer, year, genre & 4 musical things about it)
129 terms & composers (you need to know 4 things about each)
and then an essay (8 potential topics, 4 will be on the exam & you have to write 1) the essay requires 25 points, however, if you don't mention something that he would have.. you won't get full marks, so it also requires some slight mind reading skills.

ah. and he hasn't given our marks back for our presentations or papers... so I really have no clue where I'm at (so far I know that I have 22.5% out of a potential 30 (from past tests)...

i'm looking forward to next week. to reading for fun. to cleaning my house. to spending time with michael that doesn't include my notes & text books. to finishing christmas shopping & prep. to blogging & catching up on friends blogs. to being at starbucks & mountain bean for fun & not for memorizing facts. to relaxing!

right now this is life at our house:

my cat supervises my studying. i know I've successfully studied for hours when he comes & lays directly on my notes. he does not appreciate being neglected!

multiple blankets. heating pads. lap tables. and notes. everywhere.

I have 27 1/2 hours until I write the exam. so.. in less than 30 hours I will be back to normal. I suppose I can handle that...

christmas & school don't mix

2011-12-01T12:33:00.001-06:00

it is december and the end of the school year is in sight!!
monday is my last day of classes - and on that day I have a major paper due in one class (topic still to be chosen.. been having a hard time, even though the topic is "anything relating to 19th century music" I am not a fan of such broad topics) - 3 smaller papers (1-2 pagers) in the other class, and a "quiz" (in my bible class we don't have an exam during the regular exam time. just a shorter quiz)

so the end is near, but it's getting worse before it's getting better. this weekend will be filled with research, paper writing and studying.

but it's the christmas season! and I feel like I'm being gypped of the start of it. thankfully my friend Audrey & I had our "christmas launch party" last night - which consisted of starbucks christmas drinks, peppermint middles oreo cookies, listening to stille nacht (ok that was by chance in starbucks, but still - check!), chatting, crocheting (on my part) and watching The Holiday. I also wore my "festive sweater" to make it complete.

I feel a bit like the picture up top. about to step into the christmas spirit, but then I just want to put everything else (aka school) on the shelf so I can spend time with family and friends, going to plays and dinners, singing carols, making gingerbread and celebrating Jesus's birth. But the more I avoid my school to-do list.. the more stressed I am, and that is not what I want this season to be about!

only a few more days..

in the meantime, I will get even more into the holiday spirit by listening to christmas music constantly. my favorite cd so far this year is...

You can download it for $10 on iTunes, you should do it! It will fill your home with wonderfully enjoyable Christmas tunes. or check it out on: www.sheandhim.com
(Vocals, piano & ukele by Zooey Deschanel, Vocals, Guitar & Organs by M. Ward)

stampin up

2011-11-24T15:57:00.001-06:00

i did it. i got over my nerves and went all alone to my first stamp club meeting
and it was awesome

we meet in a home in transcona. every one was very friendly and excited to get crafting... sometimes it's nice to be surrounded by people that are as excited about crafts as i am. i realize that to un-crafty people, talking about crafts, or spending an evening doing crafts sounds really lame. ah well.

i made a new friend as soon as i got there. Tina. she is not crafty, but has always wanted to be. so, we did everything together, step by step. we were also able to chat about jobs and interests.. we both love the elderly, and working with the disabled. we have both struggled in a job that we love, but a team of co-workers that we do not.

we spent the evening making 2 cards, and then starting our "wish lists" for the things we will buy over the next 10 months. I'm really looking forward to our next meeting!

remember

2011-11-11T09:36:00.001-06:00

When I was in the Winnipeg Mennonite Children's Choir, Mrs. Litz taught us the song "In Flanders Fields" every year, in time for November 11th. I can still sing most of the parts now from memory. The song was haunting. And I think it was bold of Mrs. Litz to teach her sweet little mennonite boys & girls to sing it. War is very real. Both of my grandpas fought in war. One lost his leg, the other one was spared his life (a very cool story.. thankfully Grandpa Klassen wrote out his life story for us to read)
Both Grandpas would tell you (if they were still here) that War should never happen again. Both of my grandpas were for peace.

there are often shows on TV about army wives missing their husbands and then they are surprised by them showing up, home from their tour. it always makes me cry. I do not think war is right, or necessary, but I do think it is incredible that people choose to put their lives on the line for what they think is right.

I'm wearing my poppy, thinking of my grandpa's and praying for peace. When I was in elementary school I was asked to sing a solo of a song called "let peace begin with me" and it has stuck with me ever since. it is playing in my head again this morning..

"let peace begin with me, let this be the moment now.. with every breath I take, let this be my solemn vow: to take each moment, and live each moment in peace eternally. let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me"

IN FLANDERS FIELDS POEM
The World’s Most Famous WAR MEMORIAL POEM

By Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place: and in the sky
The larks still bravely singing fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead:
Short days ago,

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved:
and now we lie
In Flanders fields!

Take up our quarrel with the foe

To you, from failing hands, we throw
The torch: be yours to hold it high
If ye break faith with us who die,
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields

Composed at the battlefront on May 3, 1915

during the second battle of Ypres, Belgium

murmurations

2011-11-10T14:32:00.001-06:00

found a link to this video on the 22 words blog
it was filmed in Ireland, and it is incredible
(although if I was canoeing when this happened and if I hadn't heard about starlings before, I would probably be quite freaked out!)

From Time Magazine…

No one knows why they do it. Yet each fall, thousands of starlings dance in the twilight above Gretna, Scotland. The birds gather in magical shape-shifting flocks called murmurations, having migrated in the millions from Russia and Scandinavia to escape winter’s bite. Scientists aren’t sure how they do it, either. Even complex algorithmic models haven’t yet explained the starlings’ acrobatics, which rely on the tiny bird’s quicksilver reaction time of under 100 milliseconds to avoid aerial collisions—and predators—in the giant flock.

going to ireland or scotland and witnessing this is now on my bucket list!

food for thought.

2011-11-10T13:18:00.001-06:00

i have been thinking a lot lately about how we approach, read & "accept" the bible
do we take it at face value?
do we interpret it?
do we pick & choose what to believe?
do we pick & choose what is "literal" and what is "symbolic" or a "suggestion"?

I am taking a course at CMU this semester called "The Problem of Evil in a Biblical Perspective" but really it should be called, the "class of questions, debates and opinions" and that is both a good thing and a frustrating thing. I realize that it is quite hard to definite terms like "evil" because it can be quite subjective, also, some things don't seem "evil" when compared to something else that is much worse. Also, there are so many different circumstances, situations and opinions to consider. For me, what ever is not from God is evil. God created EVERYTHING. but sin.. that is not God. But then we run into the question, well, what defines SIN. it is strange how something can be so simple yet so complicated.

I think it is good to learn things, and to have debates and to experience things that challenge your faith. it helps make it stronger and helps me to really figure out exactly what I believe. But, at the same time, I really struggle when having conversations with other Christians, who take the bible to mean something totally different than I do. For example, I realized this week (in more than one situation) that people believe that Genesis is a myth. a nice story, but not truth. and not only that, but some people also think that Job is a myth and that Jonah is a myth. what? that just doesn't sit right with me.

genesis starts with "in the beginning" it doesn't start with "heres a nice story" or "once upon a time". This is God's word, and if we can pick and choose which books of the bible are "true" and which are "myths", then what makes us think that any of it is true?

my teacher explained in class that in some ways, Genesis is a "myth" (to which my jaw dropped open and I was already mentally preparing my email to the advisory board at the school..) but then he went on. In a "literary" way, yes, Genesis is a myth. Because a "myth" used to mean a story that was used to make a point, as in, the point was God created everything, but Genesis doesn't include a detailed time line (for instance, how long was adam in the garden before he actually met Eve? how long did it take him to name all the animals? how many years passed before A & E ate the apple? where did the other people come from - cain's wife - etc.) the details aren't the important part. so yes, in a literary term, Genesis can fall under the category of myth. But, now a days, myth is used for "mythology" or stories, or untrue fables. and some people are lumping that together with how they view Genesis. I just really struggle with all of that from other Christians. We are reading the same book, we are serving the same God... how do we come to such a different conclusion?

I also had a conversation with a girl named Kat this week.. and she & I began talking about Genesis (through no prompting of my own.. seems like God has just been bringing it all up in different conversations around me) and she made a point that I had never thought about before. In genesis it says that God took Adam and placed him in the garden, to work in it and care for it. But, "working" in that sense was not the same as the way we "work" now (one of the differences since the fall). Kat pointed out to me that Adam was in charge of tending to this place of meeting, this holy sanctuary so to speak. Adam was in charge of caring for it, because that is where God came and met with him. Not only met with him, but WALKED with him through the garden. God put Adam there to care for their meeting place, their hang out. how cool, that Adam has such an intimate relationship with God - they just hung out together! I love it. And, through my own experience of relationship with God.. and how real it is, it makes it even harder for me to believe that God "made up" those intimate relationships with Adam and Job.

Food for thought I suppose...

birthdays, updates and stampin'

2011-11-08T12:51:00.001-06:00

again i will start my post by saying, it has been so long since i have written on here

i didn't even write about my hubby's birthday, or about how much i love him.. which i do, like crazy!
birthday weekend recap:
supper at old spaghetti factory with moi, where i asked the waitress what they do for birthdays and she said they'd sing, then she brought out his dessert with no fan fare.. i asked her if they were still planning on doing it... but she totally forgot. ah well. i sang to him instead.
saturday was waffle breakfast with my family,
sunday morning we had a chance to babysit ev while josh & leah went to church since his cold isn't needing to be shared with all the other kids in the nursery, and it was so awesome because the whole time ev just wanted to soak up time with 'uncle', mike played these drums for him so he could dance around (we were having a jam session, mike on drums, me on tambourine & ev on ukelele. we eventually had to end the jam sesh cuz ev got excited and did a rock & roll guitar toss...), Everett then wanted to be 'cozy' with uncle and have uncle read him book after book after book. it was such a perfect gift for michael to be able to spend so much one-on-one time with Everett. then a fun afternoon of nachos, mustaches and tv shows with josh, leah, andrew & rach
Sunday evening was supper & dessert with mike's family, and then our weekend of celebrating was over. i did however leave up the birthday streamers that I had draped all over our kitchen, so it still feels a bit like a party in our kitchen.

now the week is in full swing. i'm going to attempt to get friday off, it would be nice to have a full day at home. i miss my day off now that it is filled up with classes.

it is hard to not over commit to life, relationships & things.. especially when they are all good things. i have had to be a bit more protective over my time and that has made me feel like i come across as selfish, but i am now completely off of my medication and needing to find other ways to keep my life and emotions on a more even level. i did however, just sign up for one more thing - but, i think it is ok

i have decided to join a "stamp club" for 10 months. sounds a little nerdy maybe, not sure. also, i really think it's not totally my personality to do this completely on my own with 10 strangers. i asked a friend to join me, but she didn't accept my invite, so i'm doing this solo. it is 2 hours (7-9) one tuesday out of the month for 10 months. we get together and make cards according to the demonstration of the person leading the group (her name is kristyne, and we'll meet in her house) there is no cost, except that we each commit to spending $25 per month on product from the stampin up line. also, kristyne calls one of us the "hostess" each month so that we can get the perks of free stuff that comes with hosting on a $250+ sale of product. we also have to provide a small snack the night that we "host". i am really excited to learn some new things and also just have a relaxing 2 hours of doing crafts. i am nervous about the fact that i know none of these people (not even kristyne) but i think it also shows that i'm in a more confident space to be brave enough to just go for it. We are allowed to bring friends, and the friend just pays a $10 drop in fee to make the cards that night, so if anyone ever wants to join me, please do, i'd love it. our first meeting is november 22nd.

school is coming closer to the end of the semester. it feels like it's been going on forever. i am happy with my overall choice to finish my degree, but i am finding it a much bigger challenge than i expected. i am doing well in both classes, but i am tired and so ready to be done. I'm getting my grad pictures taken on monday! i am still loving my bible class, but there are a few people in that class that make my head hurt with all of their opinions and claims about the bible, so i'm trying to figure all of that out. for me, the most important thing is JESUS and my relationship with him. the rest of the details.. don't need to be all completely figured out in my rationalizing brain. but more on that another day.

happy halloween!

2011-10-31T08:00:00.000-05:00

here are some of my halloween costumes of the past... my miss piggy one is the costume i remember fondly. i also remember it quite clearly, although that may be because we have a very funny home video of josh & i on that halloween. it's my favorite video because we're not doing much, but it's a glimpse into the life of the klassen's in anola.

happy halloween, may it be a fun day with all of your kids, dressing up and getting treats!

OK

2011-10-27T14:14:00.000-05:00

OK - stands for 2 things in this post
Olga Klassen - my most wonderful grandma, who I miss constantly and am so thankful for.
and OK - is how I'm doing, today it has been one year without her, and it feels like it was just yesterday and also like it has been much longer.
i keep a picture of her hands in my office at work. they were so representative of who she is.
they were calloused from a lot of hard work. they were strong. they were used to make endless meals and buns "something to bite" (as grandpa always said..) for her family. they were serving. they were loving. they were constantly folded in prayer & thanksgiving.
one thing i really miss is how she used to hold my hand when i was telling her something serious or hard. there is so much i wish i could be telling her now. but, one thing i have no regret about, is that i have NO DOUBT that my grandma knew how much i loved her. and i know it was mutual.

here is the slide show my auntie made for grandma's funeral. watch it if you have a minute, and see a little glimpse into the life of my wonderful grandma

winter memories

2011-10-27T12:51:00.001-05:00

so i realize it may be too soon for some of you to see a photo of snow.. i mean, it's only october!

but i have winter memories on the brain today.

when i woke up and looked out the window i couldn't get over how beautiful it was outside

there was a layer of frost over everything, and there was a heavy, thick fog. not the easiest for driving, but hey, it was beautiful. and my drive to work is only 5 minutes so i could afford to go extra slow.

i love the crispness in the air, and the way the ground was crunching under my shoes

i love that i get to wear a nice warm sweater today and drink a hot mug of tea.

and this afternoon i'm going to go to michaels for a little shopping trip.. to get stuff to make christmas cards. winter is just around the corner.

when i was walking to get my tea i had to pass through a bunch of cars idling in the drive thru, the smell of the exhaust and the near by gas station in the air made my mind fill with memories of winter, specifically the smell of the exhaust from snowmobiling with my dad. being snuggled up in my warm winter coat, snow pants, scarves, mittens.. waiting for my dad to pull up with the sled. building forts with my brother and digging tunnels in the ditches. seeing the frost build up on my dad's mustache. coming inside for a warm drink with my mom. and.. getting stuck in the middle of a stack of haybales... winter is full of good memories and adventures.

i'm not looking forward to the endless cold, come january... but the crisp air only brought back the good memories for now :)

music brain

2011-10-23T19:43:00.000-05:00

i have music on the brain

and my brain is tired!

with michael away all weekend I tried to fill up all of my time studying
i have my dreaded music history (studies in 19th century music) midterm tomorrow
my prof is a musical genius. he knows everything there is to know about music history, and i genuinely think that every day that he gets to teach, his head pops off his pillow with excitement that he gets to share his love of music with another sleepy eyed class. that's probably what gives him the energy to bike to school on the coldest days (and he bikes in jeans, a dress shirt and a blazer. the best!)
sadly, my head does not pop off the pillow with the same enthusiasm
i'm probably the one "music student" that strongly dislikes the study of music
but i want to finish my degree, and 2 music history courses are standing in my way, so i've chosen to just take them, head on. but i'm just tired.

we finally convinced my prof to give us a list of terms & composers to learn for the test. his first answer was "but then you will only learn those terms. i want you to know the whole text book!" hmm not going to happen! Instead he gave us about 40 terms/composers and 19 songs to learn as well. we have a listening portion as part of the test, he plays a 30 second clip and you have to identify the title, composer, year, genre & 4 characteristics of the piece. more than one of the 19 pieces we have to know is over an hour long... it's been a long weekend!

in just over 12 hours I will be writing the exam, and I will be so glad when it is over. i want to do well, but right now i'm frazzled. i have been having to take breaks, or else my eyes just glaze over my cue cards. right now i'm typing as i listen to one of the hour long pieces.

my plan is to try and be in bed around 10:30, wake up around 6, get a big starbucks americano, drive to the school, and glaze over my cue cards right up until the minute my prof says we can start writing. i'm a crammer all the way :)

cue cards and coffee. necessities for music students.

hope everyone else's weekend has been more fun.

2 wonderful klassens.

2011-10-21T13:49:00.002-05:00

on thursday next week it will be one year since life without grandma

i miss her so incredibly much

this year has been without her, physically

but she has left such an impact on my life

and I think on the lives of everyone in our family

we had a klassen birthday party last weekend

and we talked about grandma, and grandpa

my auntie had brought some old photo albums to give to everyone

and this was one of the pictures in my album

which made me think of both of them all that much more

we were showing the pictures to everett

pointing people out and telling him who they were

he seemed quite confused when we showed him a picture of daddy & auntie.. where we were both little kids. he said "auntie??" and "daddy??" looking at us like, really??

but the thing that stood out for me was that without any prompting

Ev kept pointing at my grandpa saying "poppa!" (what he calls my dad)

it made me smile because Ev never knew grandpa, yet he knows grandpas character

through my dad

just like my grandpa, my dad is a hard worker. with a gracious spirit

quiet strength and a LOT of patience

just like my dad, my grandpa could do anything

and always encouraged us that we can be anything

before grandpa died he asked us to do 2 things as a family

1. take care of grandma

2. stay united as a family

so much to learn from grandpa

this weekend the klassen boys are going on their annual "klassen canoe trip" although, they won't be canoeing much this weekend, since it's so cold. but they will be camping together, spending time, united, as a family. i think grandpa would be so proud

grandma has been very present in my life this year

in showing me how to live graciously

and to be a hard worker, servant hearted

and to know how to laugh easily.

i miss so much about her.

i am so thankful that they are both happy & strong in heaven

cancer free!

but I still wish they were here.

coffee break

2011-10-19T10:44:00.004-05:00

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

Jean Kerr

Too much going on school wise right now to actually write

and I feel frazzled

or like I have coffee in my hand and a sneeze on the way...

midterm this afternoon

and then a dreaded music midterm on monday.

then, hopefully, life will return to semi-normal once again

Klassen photo shoot

2011-10-14T22:30:00.003-05:00

a new post on my photography blog -

3 klassens and one on the way

one of those days

2011-10-13T13:40:00.004-05:00

I'm having one of those days
the kind of days that you'd either like to skip ahead so they are over
or go back in time to start them over again
a few things, struggles, conversations, situations, have caused me some anxiety and disappointment this week
i feel like i fell asleep last night with too many of these thoughts in my head, because i had a night full of dreams that felt very real, and were very sad, that i woke up feeling less than good
this morning i stayed in bed a bit too long, to the point where i had myself almost convinced that i could stay in there a few more hours and no one would mind. thankfully my cat walked on top of me enough that i realized i'd at least have to get out of bed to go to the washroom (they always seem to want to lay right across my bladder, guess it's softer than a hip bone or my legs/feet!) and once i was up i knew it was time to get moving.
i pulled out an autumnish outfit, and smiled to myself as i stepped out into the crisp air
but then, i had too much time to think, too many things to stew over and over analyze. and now it's the afternoon and i feel like i've wasted the morning stewing in self pity and disappointment.
i would like a break
a vacation
a nice long rest
even just from my own minds critique!
i would love to be the lady in the picture. on a beautiful beach, with crashing waves.
with a nice dress, cute shoes, and a fun umbrella to shield myself
but, I am here, and it's quite frankly just time to start some positive thinking.
to put things in the past and leave them there
and to start the rest of my day fresh.
unless someone wants to take me away to that beach? :)

thanksgiving

2011-10-09T23:16:00.002-05:00

happy thanksgiving weekend!

for anyone wishing they had made their own thanksgiving dinner... I put up a new post on my recipe blog, outlining the whole dinner, start to finish. you can read that here.

i have had a lot on my mind lately, I often get nostalgic around holidays, and more introspective when i'm busy (which is the case right now with being in school and working) I have also been a lot more emotional (I am off my anti-depressants and have found that the tears flow a lot more frequently, and easily. but i'm ok with that right now)

This morning in church there were so many songs that brought me to tears. i think it's also because i am becoming more aware of the holy spirit and the way that he speaks to us and nudges us - i'm doing a bible study with a few girls on the fruit of the spirit and the first two weeks have had a good focus on the Holy Spirit in general, and ways that the Holy Spirit works, etc, so I have been thinking about this a lot more. Instead of a sermon this morning, the elders of the church lead a lot of sharing time, and people were able to stand up and share what they were thankful for. I have a lot to be thankful for...
my husband, 2 wonderful families, 2 nephews and another baby on the way for me to be an auntie to, a new & welcoming church family, a house that i feel warm & comfortable in, 2 cats that keep me company and make me laugh, many friends - both here and far (bc, ontario & alaska specifically), a legacy of faith within my family and especially from the examples of my grandparents, luxuries like a nice car and a bank account that is never completely empty, the freedom to vote, to worship, to have an opinion (thank goodness or I'd be in a lot of trouble most of the time! ha ha), a love for worship and a voice that I can use in that way, a plot of land that will soon have a new home beside 2 of our best friends - josh & leah, health, a lot of laughter, the chance to go back to school & graduate this year, good jobs (that we love) and the "abundance & faithfulness of christ" (as someone put it this morning in church). and so much more, i could write for days and not be done.. which reminds me of one of my favourite lines in my favourite hymn -

"could we with ink the ocean fill, and were the skies of parchment made. were every stalk on earth a quill and everyone a scribe by trade - to write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry, nor could the scroll contain the whole, though stretched from sky to sky... the love of God - how rich and pure, how measureless & strong. it shall forever more endure the saints & angels song"

my heart is filled to overflowing with thanks!

hockey nostalgia

2011-10-06T10:38:00.001-05:00

I've always been a hockey fan

I'm not good at it, but I like to watch it

I understand the rules, I can remember a lot of the players names

as well as team names (one time last year mike & russ didn't believe me, so they tested me, and I think I did pretty good!)

hockey is nostalgic for me

i remember the many afternoons at the hazelridge rink

cheering on my brothers team

and playing with all the other "hockey sisters" in the arena

but mostly, hockey reminds me of my grandpa klassen

we often slept over at grandma & grandpas house on devon avenue on saturday nights

and grandpa had a saturday night ritual

hockey night in canada

i remember grandma would run me a bath and i would splash around in there

(you kinda had to splash.. since grandma & grandpa would only ever fill the tub with about 2-3 inches of water! good mennonites, conserving water *smile*)

once I was done and I had changed into my pjs grandpa would have me come join him to watch the hockey game.

he would pull out his black comb that he always kept in his shirt pocket

and he would gently and patiently comb through my long blonde hair

i had long hair, and it was often full of tangles

but grandpa didn't mind

he would often have some kind of treat for us while we watched

a bag of smarties was often the treat

and grandpa believed that we needed to savour them - that it was quite silly to grab a handful of smarties and chew them up all at the same time

so we ate them, one at a time

slowly, enjoying

thats how grandpa was - always looking for ways to savour everything - enjoy it to the fullest

once the game was over (or it was time for bed) we'd go to the kitchen for our "midnight snack"

a bowl of cornflakes with a sprinkle of brown sugar and a few slices of banana

then we would get tucked in, tuckered out, and happy

i really miss my grandpa

so, hockey makes me nostalgic, and i can't help but get excited with all the hoopla over the jets.

there is something wonderful about a city that rallies behind it's team

i have even got teary reading newspaper interviews with the new jets team.

it's going to be fun to have the nhl back in our city

hot 103 put out this song - basically they re-wrote the words to lmfao's party rock anthem to be all about the jets, and i can't help smiling the whole time that I listen to it.

the official season is about to start - and with nostalgia and excitement.. i can't wait!

reign in us

2011-10-02T22:50:00.000-05:00

this morning at kilcona we sang a song that is still fairly new to me, but i just love it
it's called "reign in us" by starfield

pastor bruce is starting a series on the abundant life, (abundant giving, abundant joy and abundant freedom are 3 parts of the series) and the contrast to that of the desires of satan on our lives to steal, kill and destroy - and satan is playing for keeps.

i've always loved the fact that Jesus came to give us a full abundant life. a life to over flowing. bruce made a light hearted comment about people who love coke.. that if you over fill your cup and it spills over, you slurp it off the counter because you don't want to miss any of it. imagine a life like that, where it is so over full of joy and freedom that you are slurping up every last bit rather than sitting idly by, somewhat satisfied with whatever is filling you up.

we sang the song i mentioned earlier, reign in us, this morning during worship, and there were a few lines that just stuck with me

with one desire we come, that you would reign in us

and

we cry out for your life to revive us
cry out for your love to define us

is that how i'm living? with that desire, for that revival and definition? i so want that. but am i daily seeking that abundant life that is offered to me?

i had the privilege of spending the day with some friends & family, everett included
my mom and i have talked many times about how watching everett makes us understand why God says "let the little children come" - ev knows how to live an abundant life. with no inhibitions he shows his excitement, his wonder, his curiosity, his freedom, and it is contagious to be around him.

we spent the day at a bizarre pumpkin patch, you'd have to see it yourself to understand it, but, as my sister said later, the redeeming factor was how much Everett enjoyed it. the way he enjoys so many things, with eyes wide open.

can you imagine how overwhelmingly wonderfully abundant the life is that God wants for me, for you? and it comes when we just simply ask him to reign. but it has to be daily.. and i'm working on it. i'm really looking forward to this series.

here are the rest of the lyrics to that song:

You thought of us before the world began to breathe
You knew our names before we came to be
You saw the very day we fall away from you
and how desperately we need to be redeemed

lord Jesus
come lead us
we're desperate for your touch

Oh great and mighty one
with one desire we come
that you would reign that you would reign in us
we're offering up our lives
a living sacrifice
that you would reign that you would reign in us

Spirit of the living God fall fresh again
come search our hearts and puify our lives
we need your perfect love we need your discipline
we're lost unless you guide us with your light

lord Jesus
come lead us
we're desperate for your touch

Oh great and mighty one
with one desire we come
that you would reign that you would reign in us
we're offering up our lives
a living sacrifice
that you would reign that you would reign in us

we cry out for your life to revive us cry out
for your love to define us cry out
for your mercy to keep us
blameless until you return

oh great and mighty one
with one desire we come
that you would reign that you would reign in us

3 klassens in a park

2011-09-28T22:28:00.001-05:00

i spent the early evening with 3 of my favourite people - josh, leah & ev, in the park, taking family photos.
i just uploaded them all onto my computer, and now instead of going to bed, like i honestly intended to... i've been going through them, looking for some gems. this one made me smile instantly, because I think it shows the love in this family.
i will post some more once i go through them all.

the rest of the evening included uncle mikey showing up, some high quality entertainment by ev & all his musical toys, chinese food, and episodes of parks & rec.
delightful.

recipe extraordinaire!

2011-09-27T15:20:00.001-05:00

not sure if any of you read my recipe blog BUT i wanted to alert your attention to this deliciously wonderful new recipe i stole from becky

whole wheat cinnamon buns

go ahead, read the recipe and make them.. i dare you!

colors of autumn

2011-09-27T12:59:00.001-05:00

waking up this morning i was just amazed at the colors i could see out my window
the tree in my front yard has taken on this beautiful Ombré effect of green to yellow
one side gets more sun, and it is just neat to see how it is so different on each side
then driving to work i was just in awe of the trees that have changed to a vibrant yellow
and a few red ones thrown into the mix

i just love autumn.

when other things in life aren't so sure
or aren't going as well or "beautifully" as we'd like
i think God makes us that much more aware of the simple beauty of his creation

he never turns his back on us.

anniversary anniversary anniversary!

2011-09-26T17:33:00.003-05:00

today is september 26th, 2011

and i have officially been married to my best friend for 3 years

time flies!

i am still so thankful for michael

and i really do believe that you fall more in love the longer you are together

he understands what i'm saying when i don't say it

he laughs at my jokes and my crazy dance moves

he is the person i want to hang out with, day in day out

he's the first person i want to call when i have news, or something bad happens, or good, or that i'm just bored and want to chat

he's a hard worker, a supporter, patient, a good listener

he's funny and handsome and just the best.

i like to make up silly songs - that is something that is just me

normally they are quite dumb and juvenile, but they entertain me

michael will still love me after a whole day of me pretending that i'm in a musical - singing everything.

last year on our anniversary i was asking michael for yet one more goodnight hug and kiss and i made up a silly song, where the words are basically "anniversary, anniversary.. hug and kiss, hug and kiss.." it made him laugh and shake his head at me

but, i knew that i had married the right guy for me this morning (well other times too obviously!) when he was saying goodbye to me and he sang my little song.

a year later, he knew my little song

and he humoured me! best guy ever.

happy anniversary to my bestie

i love you!

here are way too many pictures of us from the past year (and a couple from maybe longer..) i tried to only pick a few, but .. oh well!

auntie ash & uncle mike with a much younger Ev!

2 peas in a pod

at a wedding

out for supper

off to another wedding...

mike's a good sport. not every guy would get this up close and personal with his brother in law and cousin in law :)

another wedding!

out for dinner in mexico

off to the beach in mexico!

hanging out in mexico

most handsome guy ever!

mirror pictures in mexico

at a japanese restaurant in mexico

mexico

our little family - we joked about sending this out as a christmas card.

road trip to BC with phoebe

on the way to bc

at a cabin in bc

suspension bridge in bc

another wedding!

at the farm

at our new land!!!

we were going to go to a hotel for our anniversary, but since money is tight we had a "sleepover" in the living room instead. i dragged the mattress out there and it made it feel fun and different!

we took this picture on our way out to celebrate our anniversary. :)

etsy window shopping

2011-09-21T10:07:00.001-05:00

i could spend hours browsing the items on etsy
(and i often do...)
quite honestly, money has been very tight for us lately
the lack of rain, and the intense heat was loved by some
but not by us
the grass didn't grow
therefore, our customers didn't have to pay
(plus i hate being sweaty!)
another reason to love this grey rainy weather :)

also, with the cooler weather i was thinking that christmas is basically just around the corner
so why not start browsing for things to go on my wish list!
also, i'm not having kids yet, but to help get the bug out of my system, why not window shop for cute baby things (so, if anyone in my etsy circles has noticed the abundance of kid things.. i'm not pregnant, just itching!)

here are my current favorites, you will note an OWL theme
because, lets face it, everyone loves owls!
in real life, totally freaky
but in whimsical cartoon form
the best!

if any of you are feeling like spending some money, i would graciously accept any of these items as gifts ;) no pressure!

daileedose

it's no secret that the bluejay has a very special meaning to our family. i thought this necklace was perfectly dainty and sweet.

gingiber

i love calendars. i could have multiple calendars up in my office, my house, at any given time i have 2-3 agendar books going. it's kind of a problem.

knitterbag

a bag to hide your yarn is a must when you have 2 cats just dying to play with it!

olula

suhweetieshop

not sure that i could pull off this dress, but i'd have fun trying!

parkersflourpatch

everyone also knows i love to bake, and in my alternate universe i'm a baker! these owls were just to sweet!

redmarionette

nothing says "helloooo autumn" like an owl wreath. but don't actually buy me this one, it's $75!!

happy window shopping :)

a safe day

2011-09-20T12:07:00.002-05:00

is anyone else loving this weather?
as i type, rain is pounding down on my window
i have the window open so that i can hear it coming down
and i can smell the fresh air

i just love rainy days

it's nice to have a day like today, where i feel like i can curl up with a book and a mug of tea, and no one can say anything bad about it.
it's good timing because i feel like i need a day to curl up
a safe day
lately i've been taking things very personally
comments from a lady lacking tact
well meaning jokes misinterpreted
and other things that i have just simply taken personally when i likely shouldn't

my brother said something to me, that these things were not a reflection of me
and that was encouraging

i think i just needed today though
a perfectly rainy day
my favorite kind of day
to curl up
read
rest
sip a hot drink
pray
and maybe even nap a little

a safe day

snapshots of summer

2011-09-18T19:09:00.003-05:00

today i was walking home from starbucks, listening to my iPod, and enjoying the breeze, and it made me miss the lake. since september has hit, we haven't been back to the lake. it's been nice to get some stuff done around the house on the weekends, but i am not done with the lake yet! since i couldn't get out there this weekend, i decided to post some of my favourite pictures from the summer. you'll notice there are a lot of pictures of everett, and honestly.. it's because he's my favourite thing!!

enjoy the pictures!

canada day at the farm! this was a very sweet kitten

the pensive look on ev's face just kills me! he was not so sure about this goat.

poppa & ev, best buds

i love watching everett & leah together, such a sweet pair

my bff & i

taking ev out on the water

lots of fun!

a full boat! even ruth was there that weekend :)

i love watching ev's face when he sees Josh

my dad discovered this nest of baby birds right by the cabin!

when we are away.. the cats will play. came home to this mess of yarn one day.

a gift from my friend lisa - russian dolls that are measuring cups!

the next shots are pictures of the perennials that i planted this year!

doing some organizing one afternoon.. my cat, chips, decided to give me a hand..

this year i reorganized our bedroom furniture and finally put up pictures from our wedding, i love it.

PUMPED about his play structure

this tattoo makes me miss my grandma, in a wonderfully loving, thankful way.

my mom & her bestie, auntie josie

my man, showing off his moves!

i love this one, where he's doing a "yes!" pose for landing a jump!

we went across the sand bar one day, and i couldn't get over how still the lake was!

my man and his summer hair! it's all gone now!

mom & me

dad & mike checking out the lake

and finally.. the help i get from chandler when i am doing laundry!

happy summer! and this week, happy autumn!!

women refreshed at the well

2011-09-16T14:53:00.001-05:00

So, 3 blogs was apparently not enough for me to play around with.. even thought I quite obviously neglect 2 of them...

anyway, I decided to play around with the Women Refreshed at the Well site, and decided to create a new one that I knew how to manage and tweak easier. I'm so excited about this vision that God gave to my mom, and I love watching the building come to life infront of our eyes. It is a place of excitement, and a place that God will use, and I think our whole family is just excited about the future of this ministry.

please take a look and follow the site, my mom has been doing a good job of keeping it up to date, and we will continue to try and do that. also, please feel welcome to stop by the house and take a look for yourself. Something this exciting is meant to be shared!!

Here is the new website: www.womenrefreshed.com

for strength to trust Him more.

2011-09-14T10:08:00.002-05:00

today my head and heart feel a bit conflicted
this evening we are having supper together as a family and josh & leah will tell our family the gender of their baby. i have seen one picture of the baby so far, and everett very sweetly points at it and says "baby" in his voice that melts my heart. i can't believe that i get to have everett in my life and now another baby to be an auntie to! i'm triply blessed by the babies that have made me "auntie ash".

today though, my heart and head are full of thoughts of a very dear friend of mine whose little boy would be another year older today if he hadn't been taken from their family MUCH TOO SOON. i believe that God put this friend into my life so that I had someone who "gets it" that the grief of losing Jay is ongoing. that having Ev in my life doesn't make my auntie heart ache that I don't get to know Jay! I'm so thankful for my friend, that we can sit and chat for hours, email on a regular basis, and be a listening ear for one another. that type of friendship is rare and i'm thankful. but i wish i could have known her little guy. the pictures i've seen of him... he is a beautiful boy, with eyes that remind me of his younger sister! I know he is so loved, and i just will never understand why some people go through so much hurt in life.

this morning I decided to type out all of the words for the worship service on Sunday rather than just copy & paste them from their files like I normally do each week. Sometimes I like to type them out so that I can sing along in my head, and today one of them was "'tis so sweet to trust in Jesus". This song took on a deeper meaning for me when my grandpa klassen became very sick. i remember sitting at my piano in my dining room on mulvey, singing this song over and over, sometimes just playing through the verses because i was just quietly sobbing. when my grandma became very sick last year this was one of the songs that i sang many times at her bedside with my guitar. my favorite part.. and the part that still gives me a catch in my throat, was watching her listen. jesus jesus.. how i trust Him.. how i've proved him over and over... jesus jesus, precious jesus.. oh for strength to trust him more... grandma would often listen along with her eyes closed, and she would smile and nod, or in her not so silent "whispering" fashion she would say "yes". that last line of the chorus is the truest part in the song for me. i do my best to trust Him, but i will admit.. deep deep grief.. rocks my faith at times. i don't want to trust God conditionally.. i want to trust him unconditionally, that is the only way to have hope. "oh for strength to trust Him more".. that could be my life motto. i decided to sing this song at grandma's funeral, as a tribute to her, her life, her faith, her humble spirit and her ability to CONSTANTLY trust Jesus.

on a day like today, when my heart aches for a little boy who should be celebrating a birthday, and my heart rejoices that i'm going to be an auntie again, there is tension. and trust is the one thing that keeps me together.

happy birthday cameron. you are loved!

back to school...

2011-09-12T12:02:00.001-05:00

back to school
back to school
to prove to dad that i'm not a fool
i got my lunch packed up
got my boots tied tight
hope i don't get in a fight
back to school
back to school
back to school...

the song from billy madison is playing in my head as i sit here in the computer lab at school (and for the record, i'm not at school to prove to my dad that i'm not a fool! he knows I'm the smartest girl around :) )
here i am, back at school
it was interesting to me this morning, as i sat through my first class that i feel so new but i'm really not
i'm going to graduate approximately 3 years sooner than the people in my classes
but they all knew each other, much like when i was a music major at cmu a few years ago, we went through all of our classes together
it's also interesting to me how, typically, music students fit into the stereotype.. and i had to laugh to myself as they were all laughing over "music jokes" (and i really do mean MUSIC jokes. jokes about certain notes and keys in music..) a lot of the technical stuff goes over my head, and a lot of the stuff that the teacher described as "basic info that you all likely know already" was stuff that i was jotting down frantically. 8 pages of notes later, i sure don't feel like a musical genious! ha ha!

oh well, i am still happy to be here
with my new notebooks
my new (expensive) text books
my mug of hot coffee
and the knowledge in my head that in 8 months i will be graduating!

back to school...
time to get some lunch, then on to my second class. plus, i have to go pick up the books i just reserved at the library for my first presentation! guess i may as well just dive in completely

hope you are all having a good monday morning!

don't you know that you're toxic?

2011-09-08T14:11:00.000-05:00

i have had this song running through my head all day so far

with a taste of your lips
i'm on a ride
your toxic, i'm slipping under
with a taste of poison paradise
i'm addicted to you
don't you know that you're toxic?
(toxic - by britney spears)

not really my FAVORITE song to have playing on repeat
but.. sigh... it is in my head
so.. why is it in my head? let me tell you

i've been thinking a lot about things that i have in my life that i can get caught up in
both good and bad
and there was quite a good list
one thing that i used to get caught up in was facebook
and i'm not saying it's "toxic" to everyone, but it wasn't a good thing for me to have
i struggle too much with comparing, with snooping, with frustrations of inconsistent friends and behaviors. i just got caught up in it to much, so, quitting it was the right thing to do, for me.

however, there are still a few similar things that i find myself caught up in
and we were talking about one of these things last night around a bonfire with josh & leah
at one point i said
"i try not to get caught up, but i continue to find myself there, reading!"
and when i was trying to find a word to describe it leah said, "it's toxic"

how often do we hear things now a days about ridding your body of toxins
yet there seems to be less warnings for emotional and mental toxins.
but personally.. i find them way more harmful!

as someone who does a lot of comparing, over analyzing, doubting.. one "taste" of something toxic can just suck me in, and it's so not worth it!

i realize that with being semi-cryptic it sounds like i'm into something really awful or x-rated! but that's not it. it's more like reading blogs of people who talk like they have everything together. or that just have strong opinions that get me going.. that type of thing.

anyway, i've just been thinking all morning about how important it is to keep my mind focused on good & uplifting things. this week the theme verse at the church i work at is "and let us consider how we can spur one another on toward love & good deeds" and i'd like to add: all things non-toxic!

i hope to put more "safety nets" in my way to remind myself to avoid voluntarily reading things that make me struggle. and maybe admitting this on here is one more good net :)

you is kind. you is smart. you is important.

2011-09-07T13:00:00.000-05:00

i went to see "the help" on Sunday evening with a group of wonderful girls
it was just as good as i expected (and hoped) it would be
i'm pretty sure we all cried in a few (or a lot) of parts of the movie

one part has stayed in my mind, playing on repeat it seems
it is the part where the maid, aibileen, is talking with the little girl of the family she works for, mae mobley
aibileen has decided that she wants to make sure that, if nothing else, mae mobley learns this about herself: she is kind. she is smart. she is important. i was able to find a clip of that part, click here to go to that link, it's only a 20 second clip, but it is sweet.

i was struck again at how important it is to speak in love to one another
to tell those people around you, you are SMART. you are IMPORTANT. you are KIND.
today michael stopped by my office to have coffee with me
and out of nowhere he said to me "i just really like you!"
even though I am married to him, and KNOW that he loves me
it was just so nice to hear, out of the blue, that i'm cared about, and important.

words spoken like that are never in vain!

on a totally different note.. yesterday i went back to school!

i just needed to go to get my student ID photo taken, and to buy my books ($$$!)
i was shocked at the fact that i was kind of.. nervous.
this isn't my first year at university. it's my 6th.
i know the halls, i know the teachers... but i'm new
it was good to have my sister phoebe there to keep me company in the long line up
monday is my first day of classes
my first day that i'm not starting with all of my friends
it will be different, but good
i'm looking forward to learning again
one of my classes looks terribly interesting.
and one extremely hard and overwhelming.
but i think it will be good.
here's to the start of a new year!

september love

2011-09-01T13:39:00.000-05:00

it is the first day of september
can you believe it??

i have been waiting 11 long months for september to come
it is my favorite
the weather cools down
the leaves change color
the hoodies come out of hiding
the fire pit in the back yard gets used
the coffee pot continues to fill up

today i flipped up the page of my calendar and i smiled
i just love september

at our staff meeting the other day the senior pastor was shocked to find out that both myself & the youth pastor LOVE autumn. he said that he just did not understand

but whether or not we could explain it properly, we were both firm on this.. we love autumn. we have autumn on the mind, all summer long. and now it's almost officially here.

i'm excited about the things that September brings. the new starts (school, bible study), the continued projects (the retreat house, and our basement renos), exciting moments (josh & leah's ultrasound!), the warm drinks (pumpkin spice latte anyone?), routines (church! we don't go much over summer), cool evening bike rides, s'mores, thunderstorms (hopefully)... so many things.

on a different, but similar (maybe) note.. since September is the month of new things, i decided to try a new thing. i am officially a user of a diva cup. i've had mixed reviews from people i told.. but i think it was a good choice. today is my first full day using it. and besides the fact that i'm super aware of it (due to paranoia) it's doing awesome. also, it takes me about 10 extra minutes longer in the bathroom than normal.. and i don't quite have the hang of it yet to insert it properly.. but I slept all night with it, no problemo. i did, however, discover, that as exciting as this may be (for me), michael would rather not get the hourly play by play. fair enough. to spare the rest of you the details (as i'm sure some of you are already squirming - since i have one friend that can't even handle talking about being in the washroom.. you could probably say "toilet paper" and she'd squirm) i will post a link to the review that i read before purchasing. it was very thorough, and helpful, and so far, quite accurate. if you've ever considered it.. i'd say "go for it". here is the link

back to september
welcome.
i'm so glad you're here.

listening

2011-08-25T19:31:00.000-05:00

i'm a story teller

and by story teller I don't mean "liar, embellisher, etc.." (although, who hasn't embellished a story once and a while...)

i love making people laugh

i love telling stories with dramatic pauses and voices

i have a good memory for the details

i like to tell the story in it's full completion

i think this likely started because I have always wanted to be funny

and quite frankly, i know that I'm not always funny!

growing up, my brother was the funny one

he always had a good joke or story

and i think he was my inspiration

this last year, a friend of mine told me that she thought I was the best story teller ever

i was flattered, and surprised quite honestly

i know that i LOVE telling the stories

but it was cool to hear someone say that they look forward to hearing them

so, not to be proud or arrogant

but rather.. acknowledge something i'm good at...

i am a good story teller

which brings me to the real thought behind my post...

i believe that part of being a good story teller is also being a good listener

none wants to hear someone else talk constantly

so you listen, interact, be in CONVERSATION and then the stories can come out when appropriate

and, in the last month, i have encountered 2 instances of terrible listening

one happened this morning

i was in conversation with someone, and he was telling me something. what he said reminded me of a similar story, so i go into it, telling him all the details. and he looks like he's listening. a few minutes later he looks at me and says "ya.. i didn't listen to a word you just said, i'm wrapped up in a thought, so I missed that whole thing"

it caught me a bit off guard! but i just kinda laughed

then, i thought he'd ask to hear the rest but instead

he turned and walked out

it was a bizarre moment

the other one was a similar instance, but they asked me to repeat it later on

listening.. i would say that is a more important skill than story telling

am i a good listener?? doesn't hurt to pay attention to my listening skills once & a while

(right now my listening skills are being challenged.. michael has been watching a lot of the military channel lately.. and there is only so much talk about war and weapons until i am totally zoned out...)

speaking of zoning out.. it's almost time for tonights episode of big brother. (one of...) my summer guilty pleasures. i may even watch it while eating a piece of sea salt dark chocolate. terribly tasty.

waves, rainbows and Dads

2011-08-19T11:51:00.000-05:00

last weekend at the cabin i had a wonderful time of relaxation, rest and fun
i did a lot of reading and chatting
house planning and thinking

and in between, we went for a few boat rides
my parent's friends were out, and we asked them if they had been to devil's island before
it's this little island a short boat ride from where we normally boat around
it is an awfully sad looking place
it has been overtaken by birds
the island is covered in birds and bird poop
the trees have no leaves
and it looks totally forgotten

it was fairly windy that day
and as we started driving out there the waves were getting choppy
it was fairly noisy due to the wind, the boat motor and the waves
so i sat at the back of the boat, looking over the water and lost in thought
i started to pray for people as they came to my mind
praying for a dear friend of mine who is struggling with a church transition
and the hurt & miscommunication that can come from such a change
i was thinking about our own journey and how good it feels to feel like we've found a new place to settle into - although, over the summer, we don't attend much anywhere.. so it'll feel different once we are there in the fall.

at this point, we reached devil's island and took it all in
we couldn't get as close as we would've liked because the waves were a little too wild
and i have been out there once (with my uncle) when it really started storming, and it wasn't fun! so my dad turned the boat around

as we went through the waves, we were all getting wet
the water was splashing up high against the boat and i started thinking to myself how i likely should be afraid, but i wasn't, because my dad was driving
i trust my dad 150%!
he is wise, and cautious. he has experience and puts everyones needs ahead of his own.
he has shown me over my 26 years why i would be silly not to trust him
at this point, i looked down at the side of the boat and there was the most vivid and bright rainbow in the water, from the way it was spraying, right where i was sitting, there was a perfect rainbow.
i looked around the boat and i couldn't see it anywhere else, just beside me
and i got this shiver, a God moment, or a "kiss" as my mom calls it

it was like i realized all over again the idea of God as father
i have been so blessed to have a dad that has made it so clear for me to understand the love of God as FATHER.
this rainbow to me felt like God saying to me, 'just like you trust your dad in a situation like this, with the waves crashing.. that is how you can trust me in everything!" church transition, grief, stress, storms, every day situations.. anything.

it was a very cool moment for me, and before i knew it, we were back on shore.
i have a great Dad, and a great Father God :)

this is one of my favourite pictures from my wedding day - i had just come back from the hair dresser. i stood with my dad looking over the back yard. we said nothing, but it said everything!

tolerance

2011-08-16T11:53:00.000-05:00

i am incredibly tired today
my eyes are puffy and i'm being kept awake thru the help of caffine
(thanks to my wonderful friend shauna who stopped by for a visit with coffee in hand!)
why am i so tired??

easy answer - i stayed up until 1:30 am reading!!
i've been reading a book called "the help" by Kathryn Stockett
and I am just wrapped up in it
i started reading last night around 11, and planned to only read for about 30 minutes. when i finally put the book down cause i couldn't keep my eyes open, i realized it was 1:30. ah the power of a good book

i am fascinated with this book for many reasons
but the main one being that i am just wrapped up in the idea of racism, the idea of tolerance and kindness.
(a quick one liner summary of the book: it's a story -fiction- based in the 1960's where racism is very much alive, black people work as slaves and maids, and one white woman decides that she wants to write a book from the view of 'the help', talking all about what it's like to be a black woman in Mississippi - and the lack of tolerance against integration and equality)
as i'm reading this book (fiction based on the reality of the 60's) i find myself just sick to the stomach over how people are treated. how white people built separate bathrooms so they wouldn't catch "black diseases". how black people couldn't attend the same schools, couldn't have the same doctors, couldn't eat at the same table! i found myself SO thankful for how different the world is today, until i really thought about it

is the world really that different?? or have we moved onto the next thing to be intolerant to?
for the most part, "black" people are treated with more equality. they are termed for ethnicity, not color. they are allowed to be as integrated as possible. but i'm not naiive. i'm very aware that there are still many racists alive and kicking. but i do think we are miles ahead of the 60's in that area.

however, i have been thinking a lot about the modern day "racisms" - stereotypes attached to cultures and race. lack of patience for accents and those we can't understand on the phone due to their lack of english. impatient when you're waiting for your fast food, and the cashier is struggling with her english. or how about sexism - some jobs that are still thought of as only male jobs or only female jobs. people who believe women don't have any place in church leadership. what about ageism - senior abuse and intolerance. bullying and talking down to seniors when their minds start to fade.

but the biggest one that i've been thinking of is intolerance of sexual orientation. homosexuality. using the term "homo" or "gay" to mean something stupid or lame. loving ones neighbour in christian love until you find out that he's attracted to men. zero patience for getting to know them because they feel like they were born different. words of disgust and sickness when hearing of someone's choices. it literally makes me feel like we aren't further ahead, we are just sticking our heads further into the sand!

i think the issue of tolerance and homosexuality is a close one to my heart because i have a couple of friends who are gay (some openly and others not as much). i remember finding out about their sexual orientation, and i remember the responses from others. i remember a dear christian girl friend of mine pressing a sheet of paper into my palm to give to my friend. on it, she had listed a number of scriptures that i should read to him all about how homosexuality is a sin. i was shocked. no where on the paper did she have listed any verses about christ's love. community. encouragement. nope, just a nice list of reasons to feel sinful. i remember ripping up the sheet when i got home. is that really showing Christ?? Is it my job to list someone else's sins? (maybe some of you think so, but I don't) I really think it's my job to be a listening ear. To continue to speak of Christ's love into my friends lives. To continue loving that person for everything they are, not just one thing!

I remember the fear in my friends eyes when he told me he was gay. I remember how nervous he was, how his voice was shaky and how he just waited and watched me as I took in his words. I remember hugging him, and thanking him for telling me (especially since I had a crush on him not that long before this!). I remember telling him that i loved him the same way, the same amount, and that nothing about our friendship would change. and I remember, more than anything, what he said to me after "I told you, because I knew that's what your response would be" It doesn't matter if I think his decision is right or wrong, that is between him and God. What matters is being tolerant. Loving the person for who they are! not the color of their skin, their ethnic background, their accent, their sexual orientation.

I apologize if this is sounding preachy. my blog isn't a place to be preachy, or judgemental or to aim opinions at anyone. These are just thoughts about the world & society and myself that have been floating around like a whirlwind in my head while reading this book, and I felt like sharing it. I am learning.

I want to be tolerant, to be loving, to be accepting. If I wish for other people to love me for me, all of me, then I can do nothing but the same for others. This book has just been affirming that to me. and I think it is a beautiful story. This excerpt, from page 234, is one of my most favorite parts. If you're looking for an excellent read, pick up this book (I bought it for $7, free shipping from here)

*background - Mae Mobley is a 3 year old white girl, Aibee (Aibileen) is her black maid. myrlie evers who is mentioned in this excerpt, has just had her husband shot & killed by the kkk*

"I don't feel good. My froat hurts, Aibee."
I know what a froat is and I know how to fix it. Baby Girl getting a summer cold. I heat her up a cup a honey water, little lemon in it to make it good. But what this girl really needs is a story so she can go to sleep. I lift her up in my arms. Law, she getting big. Gone be three years old in a few months, and pudgy as a punkin.
Ever afternoon, me and Baby Girl set in the rocking chair before her nap. Ever afternoon, I tell her: 'You kind, you smart, you important' But she growing up and I know, soon, them few words ain't gone be enough.
"Aibee? Read me a story?"
I look through the books to see what I'm on read to her. I can't read that Curious George one more time cause she don't want to hear it. Or Chicken Little or Madeline neither.
So we just rock in the chair awhile. Mae Mobley lean her head against my uniform. We watch the rain dripping on the water left in the green plastic pool. I say a prayer for Myrlie Evers, wishing I'd had work off to go to the funeral. I think on how her ten-year-old son, somebody told me, had cried so quiet through the whole thing. I rock and pray, feeling so sad, I don't know, something just come over me. The words just come out.
"Once upon a time they was two little girls," I say. "One girl had black skin, one girl had white."
Mae Mobley look up at me. She listening.
"Little colored girl say to the little white girl, 'How come your skin be so pale?' White girl say, 'I don't know. How come your skin be so black? What you think that mean?'
"But neither one a them little girls knew. So little white girl say, 'Well, let's see. You got hair, I got hair.'" I gives Mae Mobley a little tousle on her head.
"Little colored girl say, 'I got a nose, you got a nose.'" I gives her little snout a tweak. She got to reach up and do the same to me.
"Little white girl say, 'I got toes, you got toes.' And I do the little thing with her toes, but she can't get to mine cause I got my white work shoes on.
"So we's the same. Just a different color,' say that little colored girl. The little white girl she agreed and they was friends. The End."
Baby Girl just look at me. Law, that was a sorry story if I ever heard one. Wasn't even no plot to it. But Mae Mobley, she smile and say, "Tell it again."
So I do. By the fourth time, she's asleep.

welcome to the klassen-thiessen's :)

2011-08-09T22:36:00.001-05:00

here it is! the land!! (both ours & josh and leah's) - the land goes past the trees, there are railroad tracks right behind those trees, and then this beautiful wheat field

planning - the driveway is starting to go down tomorrow!

another view of the land. josh & leah's house will be where the light green trees are on the right. ours will be on the left of the picture and closer to the front.

land owners! it's pretty surreal.

a view from the tree line - just before the railroad tracks, henderson highway is at the back of the picture.

our wheat field :) hello country living!

sisters & neighbours. THE BEST!

the field behind the trees. gorgeous.

the sweetest boy with this look "really auntie? more pictures???"

ev captures an audience wherever he goes. this is his play structure on the new land!

ev was determined to snap this plant, but no matter how he bent it, it always came back. also i love his expression in this one.

and i thought this one was just precious. i'm going to LOVE living next door to this sweet little monkey!

i cannot wait!

auntie

2011-08-09T17:42:00.003-05:00

everett said auntie today

and it was the sweetest thing i've ever heard

where i'm from

2011-08-06T16:35:00.001-05:00

i am from swing sets, from craft making and dirt roads.

I am from a house with a porch, a yard of barn fires, high ceilings, cows & a dog named Oreo.

I am from the wheat fields, the blue skies and the forest paths.

I am from boat rides and blue eyes, from Alvin Gerhard and Thomas clans and Dolly.

I am from beloved stubbornness and grace.

From "i love you 5" and constant laughter.

I am from Jesus lovers and worship singers.

I am from Mennonites, Metis, Roll Kuchen and fleish perisky.

From the bear by the beehives, the sadie hawkins dance, the days of faith bible camp, the high school sweethearts and the motorcycle riders.

I am from family meals, choir practices and love.

From the smell of fire, the garland at christmas, the coffee perking & sawdust.

A girl can hardly ask for more.

I stole this idea from my friend Krista who got the template from here.

dream it

2011-08-05T13:14:00.003-05:00

do you ever find that you dream up something and then think...

"nope, won't happen"

"nice thought... I wish.. but, it wouldn't work.."

not that long ago I was having coffee with my sister & our friend

and we were talking about how cool it would be if we, as sisters, could be neighbours one day

see, josh & leah own a piece of land on henderson hwy

and the land beside it was vacant...

we said it would be so wonderful

our kids could wait for the school bus together

we could raise our kids together

build a giant play structure in the back yard

have porches that face one anothers houses

(although i'd probably have to close the blinds if i chose to walk around naked.. wouldn't want to scar my brother!)

wouldn't that be so nice?

my parents raised us in anola

in the beautiful country

a lot of our lives happened in the city, but we made it work

i became a master of changing into my choir uniform in the car

i helped out at my mom's work while i waited to go home

we spent many hours in the car, chatting, listening to worship music

or to "dr laura schlessinger"

we made it worth while to live out in the country

playing on haybales, helping with the cows or the chickens

but one of my most favorite things about anola

was that we lived side by side with auntie maryann & uncle nelson

we had many sleepovers there

saturday dinners, where auntie made her famous lemon meringue pie

often on christmas day we would open presents at one house

and eat at the other

they were second parents to us

and i LOVED it

how wonderful would it be to have that experience with josh & leah?

and for our kids to grow up so close together (i realize i have no kids, and none on the way, but eventually!)

anyway, we talked, and we dreamed but we figured (or at least I figured)

"its too good to be true"

however, my brother, being the determined & skillful guy that he is

was willing to do the work to make this happen

phone calls, lawyer visits, trips to the land title office

things started falling into place

i remember a couple of weeks ago josh called me and said

"it just feels like it's right, like it's what God wants to happen for us"

of course! how could i doubt that, or limit God?

he hears all our dreams and thoughts (spoken and unspoken)

and he desires good for us

so, a couple months later since our first mention of this "possibility" and here we are

proud land owners (thanks to the wonderfully generous loan from my parents)

with plans to build a house beside our family

(and only 3 minutes from the retreat house/mom & dad!)

last night we walked the land with josh & leah

and my dad happened to be driving by, and stopped in

our future! our new home

our dreams coming true!!

i want to add one thing to the picture up top

dream it

trust God with it

and do it!

it doesn't surprise me then, that God reaffirmed my thoughts with scripture

the verses that are being used this Sunday at the church that I work at

as I was typing in the scripture I couldn't help but smile

NOTHING is too big or "out there" for God

¹⁰ Then the LORD said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”

Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. ¹¹ Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. ¹² So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?”

¹³ Then the LORD said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ ¹⁴ Is anything too hard for the LORD? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son.”

genesis 18:10-14

perfect treat

2011-07-28T10:41:00.001-05:00

i'm a coffee drinker
although, since my gall bladder attacks and surgery i have tried to stay away from it (a little!)
i've always enjoyed a good cup of fresh coffee and thankfully have never become "addicted" to it (aka, i don't get headaches if i don't drink it) which has allowed me to drink it as i want to

i've come to appreciate decaf and 'half-caf" (which is easy to do when i have a wonderful mother in law that is always ready with a pot of decaf for the two of us!)
typically i drink my coffee black
or iced with milk and a bit of sweetener
but i used to drink it "double double" and there is something so comforting to be found in a warm, creamy, sweet cup of coffee

i couldn't drink it like that all the time, but it is a treat once and a while

so, why this rant about how i drink my coffee?
well, i was just treated to an xl cup of double double coffee - it was brought in by a very nice gentleman that was here for a meeting, but we had some time to chat while he was waiting. he is new to faith and it is very exciting to hear him talk - last week i overheard him saying that he just wants God to be the only thing people see when they see him. what a desire! and how wonderful that already he's realized that one way to show God to people is through random kindness.

so, as he is meeting and learning more about God's promises
i am sitting here, sipping and enjoying my cup of kindness
creamy & sweet
the perfect treat this morning

God's kindness comes in all kinds of shapes & sizes

a holy & a broken hallelujah

2011-07-24T10:59:00.000-05:00

3 years

i wonder what you would be learning

i wonder what your voice would sound like

and how curly your hair would be

i miss you all the time

and think you would have been the best big brother

you will always be the perfect little boy that made me "auntie ash"

and the most precious kid that taught me how deep i could love

i wish i could know you

and tell you again into your ear how much i love you!

you will always be loved & missed and talked about

you changed my life forever!

sweet pea

jay benjamin

happy birthday!

after Jay was born i wrote this song.

(well, i re-wrote words to a song)

the piano is out of tune in the recording and it's pretty raw, but it's from my heart.

here are the lyrics:

i heard there was a coming joy, the blessing of a baby boy

the joy and expectation was within me

it goes like this: week four, then fifth, the third trimester & the major gift!

and from our lips we praised with "hallelujahs"!

hallelujah, hallelujah

my faith was strong didn't need the proof; proclaiming Jesus on the roof

His beauty & his love, it overtook me.

He showed himself from here to there, he knew my name, he knew every hair

I praised my God and sang out "hallelujah"

hallelujah, hallelujah

when he was born, they tried so much...

he couldn't cry, but we held & touched

great joy & desperation flowed into us

and even though it all went wrong, we wept before our Lord of song

and from our lips we wept our hallelujahs

hallelujah, hallelujah

some say they join us in our pain; sometimes they smile, and say his name

my life has changed, i would not try to fool you

and even though we can't hold on

he's held by our Lord of song

he dances and plays and laughs his hallelujahs!

and even though it all went wrong

we stand and to our Lord hold on

with a holy and a broken hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

prince albert & banana chocolate cupcakes

2011-07-22T10:19:00.000-05:00

friendship & transparency

in a time when it feels like there are less places to be yourself

where it is ok to struggle

or go with out makeup

where it feels like there are less people who want to be real

or ask the harder questions

when so many conversations are a struggle to bite your tongue

or where its easy to be overlooked...

in this time

it is SO good

to have a safe place

where you can be yourself

sipping coffee

oohing and ahhing over a fairytale love

asking deep questions

over chicken balls & spring rolls

to have something to look forward to all day, all week

a time and place to relax and enjoy

whether you are 26, 29 or 37

it is good to be among true friends.

lightning bolt

2011-07-20T12:24:00.000-05:00

is it just me or is it particularly quiet in the blogging world this week?

maybe it's the extreme heat.. everyone is too busy trying to keep cool to sit down and write

i was really looking forward to a big thunderstorm this morning, they've been promising us one a few times over the last week.. so far, only a sad amount of drizzle. i need a good thunderstorm! when i was in high school my closest friend, cristiana and i used to LOVE thunderstorms. if we heard that one was likely to happen we would try to plan to have a sleepover, or at least talk on the phone. more than once, when an intense thunderstorm started, cristi managed to convince her mom to drive her out to anola for a sleepover (one time her mom drove her out as late as 10!) we would stand in my room at the window waiting to catch a glimpse of the lightning. in anola we were often able to see some "free light" (not sure if that is a scientific term, but thats what my dad told us it was called) which is when the lightning isn't just a bolt, but it lights up the entire sky so that it looks like day, with a purple haze to the sunlight i suppose. it was incredible. to see it go from pitch black to bright as day in seconds. we would stand at the window holding our breath, counting the seconds between the thunder & lightning. marvelling at the intensity of the light and the crackle of the thunder. to this day i still find it hard to fall asleep if it's storming because i want to just sit and watch it unfold.

on our honeymoon michael & i went on a cruise in the caribbean. it was a week long cruise which included 2 full days at sea, and each night the boat sailed through the ocean waters to the next destination. we had opted to pay a little extra to have a balcony off our room, which was the BEST decision in my opinion. it rained EVERY night on our cruise. and every night we would get a cup of coffee (or some soft serve icecream.. it is a dangerous thing to have a self serve soft icecream machine open 24/7) and sit on our balcony listening to the rain fall onto the open expanse of water. it was so peaceful. one night there was a thunderstorm, so instead of staying inside the boat (like everyone else) we ventured out onto the top deck. i was determined to catch a picture of the lightning. i set my camera to just shoot continuously and i ended up with about 200 pictures of darkness. then, one magical second.. and i had it, a picture of the boat surrounded by light, with a purple tinge to it, as bright as day. magnificent lightning.

only God would be so creative to create something so amazing, so powerful, that you have to sit and wait, watching and waiting to catch a glimpse of it. he doesn't just surround us with beautiful trees, flowers, sunsets.. things that we can see without trying. no, he adds in special things, lightning bolts, free light, rainbows.. things that you have to stop what you are doing and look for, things that God made for us to enjoy and take the time to acknowledge. he is so creative, i am just in awe!

now I am ready for it to pour. to sit watching. in the meantime i suppose i should also enjoy the sun, the heat, the SHADE and be thankful that it isn't snow.

i realize this is more of an autumn picture.. but there is just something so beautiful about it. i picture that person standing there, marvelling at the tree, the colors of the leaves, the color of the sun and the stillness of the water and being thankful.

two hundred

2011-07-13T10:22:00.000-05:00

today i am writing my 200th post on this blog
thank you to all of you that read my blog, i always appreciate any comments or things that people have to say after reading my thoughts

i wanted to write something special for my 200th post.. thought about writing a list of 200 things. but that is A LOT of things. so instead, i thought i'd make a list of things that i've done at least 200 times aka things that i like, or do a lot, or important things in my life :)

i have been married for more than 200 days. 1020 days to be exact! wonderful days :)

i know at least 200 songs. when i first started getting to know michael's family really well mike's dad (elmer) started realizing how many songs i actually know. i remember that we were watching the weather station on tv, well we had it on in the background and we were all sitting around chatting, and i was just singing along with whatever song came on. elmer looked at me after a while and said "i'm convinced that you know EVERY song in the world" he was amazed that no matter what song came on, i was able to sing along to. i have a great memory when it comes to music, probably because singing is my favorite thing to do!

i am sure, without a doubt, that i have told Everett that i love him more than 200 times. i'm pretty sure i say it dozens of times each time i see him. he is just the sweetest thing in the whole world. and now that he's older, and has such a unique personality, he makes me laugh and smile, and just melts me. i've been an auntie for 1084 days, lots of time to learn new ways to love!!

i have forsure baked more than 200 cookies. baking is just such a fun activity. i'd love to have the chance to bake more, and experiment with flavors & combinations. that's why i watch so many baking shows (i like them enough to put up with my husbands mockery of me!) i love seeing the things that people know how to create in the kitchen.

200+ times, i have been lost in worship. lost in a good way. just overwhelmed and in awe of God. my head hurts if i try to think about the concept of "forever" for too long, it is outside of my human understanding. however, if i think about the fact that i will just be lost in awe & worship.. forever seems to short!

200 cups of coffee. hot & black or iced, sweetened & with milk. coffee is so wonderful because it can be enjoyed alone, with a good book, on a rainy day, with a friend, a pot shared with family, iced on the back porch with my sister, in a coffee shop while people watching. the opportunities are endless.

200 games or puzzles have been played & solved by me. i'm a sucker for a good puzzle/game. i love sudoku, solitaire, rushhour & TETRIS

i hope that i have read 200 books in my life. i LOVE to read, but often forget how much i love it. i recently decided to finally start reading my harry potter books. (i bought the whole set for $5 at a garage sale. talk about a steal! a few of the books were originally 40 dollars each!) and i just whipped through the first one, and can hardly wait to start on the second one. i love being lost in a book.

200 is like a drop in the bucket when i think of how many wonderful times i've spent with my family. good talks, hard talks, silly joking around, making music, relaxing, playing games, boating, drinking coffee, praying.. where would i be without them?

i could probably go on and on about things that i love. i could probably make a list of 200 things that i've done more than 200 times. but let's face it, i don't want to write it, and you probably don't want to read it. and that's a-ok with me :)

200... spanning over the last 3 years. lots of good, lots of hard, lots of random. here is to the next 200 posts.

random facts on a friday

2011-07-08T11:57:00.000-05:00

exciting things are taking place
dreaming and scheming.. i love it

it's been a good week
spent some time with friends that we hadn't been able to see for awhile
found some good bargains: 2 books for $2 each at chapters, as well as a nice laptop bag for $13
also at chapters, bought a drink at starbucks and was given one of those surveys that if you do it, you get your next drink free. fabulous.

we're getting ready for a weekend at the lake, relaxing and having fun
and i was just told to go home from work as soon as i'm done my friday work.. so, now?

had a visit this morning from my favorite little guy
i gave him a ball made of elastics to play with and he was laughing so hard as he watched it bounce around unpredictably. ev's laugh does wonders on my soul!

it's been a good week, but i'm ready for the relaxing spirit of the lake to take me away.

photobooth pics from the last wedding we were at. the dress - a $6 find at target. awesome!

a legacy of confidence

2011-07-07T13:19:00.000-05:00

i've been lost in memories lately

smells, songs, experiences.. all bring back a flood of memories

i love being lost in a daydream and a memory

i've been thinking about all 4 of my grandparents lately, and the legacy that they left for me

a legacy of a life well lived, of hard work, strong faith, endless generosity and grace. the ability to have fun in any situation, being able to laugh and cry, and the importance of family.

this week my poppa (gerald thomas) has come to mind so often

i was a lot younger when i lost my thomas grandparents than when i lost my klassen ones, so i have different experiences and memories. i remember how my poppa used to talk so openly about how much he loved granny. i remember helping granny bake, and i remember her asking me to describe a picture on the tv to her once she became blind. i remember trying to pick the perfect descriptors so that she could really imagine it, and she told me that she could "see" it. i remember poppa taking me to olive garden, where we ate breadsticks to our hearts content and then laughed at the fact that we had to take our meals home because we were too stuffed to eat them! i remember having to crawl around in the van to put the special hook back onto the gas pedal when it fell off (poppa had a special adapted peddle since he lost his leg in the war and other injuries). i remember sitting on the porch swing in the backyard and having poppa sing to me. i remember how proud he was of my ability to sing, and my desire to use it in church. i remember the stacks of tapes that he had with "ashley singing" written on it. his prized possessions of my young voice warbling away into his microphone.

but mostly this week i've been remembering the sound of his voice, sharing the gospel and bellowing out gospel hymns (and anyone who knew my poppa can likely picture the wonderful, loud, bellowing tone of his voice!) working at a church, i am the one that types out all the worship songs for the sunday service, and as i type some of the old hymns i hear him singing along with me.

my poppa was not ashamed of his faith, or his relationship with Jesus. and he was never too shy or timid to sing those promises! a legacy of confidence in Jesus. I am SO thankful.

o perfect redemption,

the purchase of blood,

to every believer,

the promise of God!

the vilest offender,

who truly believes,

that moment from Jesus

a pardon receives.

praise the lord, praise the Lord,

let the earth hear his voice!

praise the Lord, praise the Lord,

LET THE PEOPLE REJOICE!

to God be the glory: fanny crosby & william doane

caution: cat post ahead!

2011-07-05T21:14:00.000-05:00

i may not have any children yet, but i definitely have two 'KIDS' at home
two crazy, lovable, furry, zany kids
chips & chandler
my crazy cats that i just love

as a kid i often requested to have an indoor cat, but, like most other kids, i probably wouldn't faithfully care for it, clean it's litter box, etc. plus, my dad isn't a big indoor pet fan. and, we lived on a farm.. so i could have all the cats i wanted, to my hearts content, outdoors.

anyway, fast forward a few 20+ years and you'll come to now
mike & i talked about getting a cat, but he wasn't really for the idea
however, when i took him to see this cute little litter of kittens.. he was smitten
he was ready to take them ALL home
in the end, we each picked our favorite
named them chips & chandler
and now we can't imagine life without them

i find that i talk about them more often than i anticipated
i like that they come snuggle with me in the morning once i let them in my room
i like that they run around like crazy, "parcouring" and making us laugh

yesterday i had the MTS guy come to install my cable
and i discovered that my dear chandler is also a "guard cat"
he can become pretty territorial, and often doesn't like it when too many people come over & invade his space
anticipating this, i put the cats into the bathroom while the guy was here
but he had to go to the bathroom, so i had to let the cats out
later on, the guy said to me "umm one of your cats is following me around, swatting at me & hissing" i had never seen my little guardian cat act like that! but the first time he saw this guy he was sitting on my bed in my room (setting up the cable, not just being creepy on my bed! ha!), good to know my little guy has my back
when the mts guy told me that, i put chandler back into the bathroom and he was GROWLING while i moved him. then when i let him out later, he walked around the entire house, inspecting every nook & cranny

also, i've been trying to get this on video, but have been unsuccessful so far - if i am ever in the bathroom, taking a bath or whatever, and have the door closed (pulled mostly closed, not latched), chandler will run at it, and body slam it until it opens. it is hilarious. i guess he just always has to keep an eye on things. or he's a total creeper..? nah!

no wonder i feel so safe at home, with my swatting, hissing & growling guard ~~dog~~ cat

i'm a triple threat in the blog-e-sphere

2011-06-30T21:32:00.002-05:00

not wanting to toot my own horn BUT wanted to remind anyone who is looking for more blogs to read that i actually have 2 other blogs. both with recent blog posts!

my photography blog:

http://photographybyashleymarie.blogspot.com/

and my recipe blog:

http://tocookandbakelikethat.blogspot.com/

feel free to check them out!

rushing

2011-06-29T12:42:00.000-05:00

time for an honesty post

i am not ready to be off anti-depressants

when i first went on them, it was a prescription given to me by a walk-in clinic doctor. he prescribed me quite a large dose, and i became (as my grandma used to say) a "zombo" and i did not like that. i'd rather feel hard emotions than feel numb! so when i was finally able to get in to see my doctor, she lowered my dose by a third

this amount seemed good, but also had me very controlled. i'm a pretty all over the place emotional person, it's part of my charm. whatever i'm feeling, i feel more than 100%! i think that's why i so easily speak my mind (both a blessing and a curse, depending on the day it seems!) my doctor said that she thought my struggle with depression was likely partially a chemical imbalance, partially weather related (seasonal affected disorder) and partially stress. she said that when i started to feel more like myself that i could lower the dose, and by that she meant take it every other day. it was still a larger amount, so when i took it every other day i felt great one day, and like i was dying the next. not a good method for me.

so, over the next couple of months i went down to a half dose pill, and after taking that for a month i decided to try to take it every other day. my counsellor told me not to rush it. my doctor told me not to think that i "needed" it forever. i don't know what i want or think about it all totally.

so, for the last 3 weeks i've been taking the anti-depressant pill every other day. and for the last 3 weeks i've been crying, over everything and anything! i'm not feeling overly sad or depressed about anything, just feeling emotional. i'm wondering if maybe it's due to having my emotions pent up due to the pills? anyway, the other day driving home with michael i said "i think maybe i should stick to taking the pill every day for a little longer" - to which i found out that i hadn't told michael my plan, and he had been wondering why i had been so different the last few weeks. just a wee bit more moody than normal... so he agreed with me, maybe i'm trying to rush it. not totally sure why. maybe because i know there are people in my life that think it's not good to be on medication. maybe because i want to be done struggling. maybe because i don't like taking a pill every day. maybe pride. who knows?

all i know is that i want to continue on my journey of healing and moving forward and becoming more of myself again. and there is no need to rush!

reef shoes and fleece pants

2011-06-24T16:04:00.000-05:00

i'm trying to get ready for camping this weekend
we'll be leaving as soon as michael gets home from mowing lawns

i'm pretty good at packing, but i often seem to forget just one thing.
so, since i had some time on my hands, i decided to look up some camping check lists on the internet.
there was one that made me laugh a little, i didn't have half of the things on this list packed! (nor do i plan on packing them).. tripstravel.com, always there to remind me about my leather gloves for camping. just what i needed.

here is the list of clothes for my weekend, according to this website:
bathing suit
denim jacket
fleece pants
flip flops
gloves (leather)
gloves (wool)
cotton pants
hat
hat (wool)
hiking boots
hiking pants
long-sleeved tops
rain jacket
rain pants
reef shoes
thermal top
t shirts
sandals
shorts
socks
sunglasses
sweater - thick
underwear
wind breaker
wool socks

i've put my favorite items in bold :) i wonder if i'll be ok without my leather gloves and reef shoes?? where does this list think i'm going?!

to procrastinate a bit longer from packing, i thought i'd post a collection of my favorite pictures from the last month or so.. enjoy.

my house finally has perennials!

a father's day fiesta!

and a special little boys half birthday

my favorite little person in the world!

he always knows where to find his belly button

elastic math

2011-06-24T12:23:00.000-05:00

here is a math equation for you:

an efficient worker (done all her work by noon) + a drawer full of elastics (since all the church mail is delivered in bundles, wrapped with elastics) = ???

elastic balls!

musical photogenic sugar dreams

2011-06-22T12:48:00.001-05:00

there are a few things that i dream about doing

let me start by saying i am very happy where i am at, the job that i have, the home i live in, my wonderful hubby, even my crazy cats.

sometimes it is fun to dream, one of those "if you could do anything you wanted, regardless of money etc. what would you do" well, i have narrowed mine down to 3.. for today :)

dream 1:

a musician. i dream of having the opportunity to travel around from cafe to cafe, with my voice, my guitar and my binder of songs. singing to a small crowd of coffee drinkers, people chatting and visiting with friends, those lost in a good book or just enjoying watching the crowd. i dream of singing rich folky music, some of my own songs, and songs of faith. i dream of being a natural on the guitar and feeling totally comfortable in front of a crowd. singing to my hearts content.

dream 2:

a traveling photographer. not a paid one necessarily, but one that has the time and the means to travel all over the world, capturing people and moments thru my camera lens. meeting people, learning their stories, and catching glimpses of them on film. seeing the world, large cities and small unknown towns. diving into local culture and sharing my life with others. for the fun, not for an monetary gain. i'd love to make books or host open galleries where people could come and glimpse these photos, and learn about the people, read the stories, see the sights. sharing lives.

dream 3:

a cupcake baker. or just a baker in general. i could never work in a bakery because you have to get up at unholy hours, like 3 or 4 am. no thank you. but, i would love to work somewhere that i could experiment with flavors and decorations, making new and interesting combinations. baking and sharing these treats with anyone and everyone. i love baking, and i love being able to give it away and share it with others. plus, it is so tasty. i dream that one day this can become somewhat of a reality when my mom's retreat house is opened up and i can contribute with baking of muffins, cookies, scones and the occasional sweet treat like cupcakes. sweet treats.

so, those are my three dreams for today. it's fun to dream larger than life. to find small ways to make these dreams realities within my current life. yesterday i made granola. today i plan on spending a few hours playing my guitar. and maybe this weekend i'll be able to photograph people that i love. tis good to dream on such a lovely rainy afternoon.

manipping ribs, hanging with chad and dreaming of houses.

2011-06-21T10:39:00.000-05:00

i'm a pretty inconsistent blogger
i go through phases of writing all the time, and then almost of forgetting about it completely
kind of annoying i suppose, but i think i'd rather it be like that then for me to write because i HAVE to and then i just ramble on about nothing... :)

i have been in pain for the last almost 3 weeks. i woke up one morning with a terrible pain in my neck, like i must have slept on it funny. that day i went to the chiropractor, and it helped, but it was still there. the following week i went to the massage therapist. again, help, but not perfect. so i went to the chiropractor again, more relief but not gone... so i finally decided to add physio to my list of solution efforts. i went to see my cousin jason, i am always so impressed by how much he knows, and how gentle his approach is. it's amazing how someone can put you at ease while they are manipulating your limbs in strange ways.
anyway, long story short, jason discovered that my first rib on my right side is sitting quite a bit higher than my left side. messing up the muscles that run along my neck and pinching nerves. fancy that! because i have a chiropractor, jason wouldn't manipulate my rib himself.. i'm going to see the chiro on thursday, but if i still have no relief, jason will be "manip-ping" my ribs very soon.

in other non-painful news, chad is back for a visit!! it is always so good to have him back. we are selfishly hoping that next time he's back for good. i've offered to try and find him a wife to sweeten the deal of staying put :)
i love when he comes back because he has so many stories of what God is doing in him, his team and the people in alaska. very cool stories. i'm always so happy for michael when chad is back because he is one of his closest friends and I know it can be hard for michael to have chad so far away. we spent the evening at his place, being treated to delicious food from his parents, and many antics of trying to extinguish the rabbit population in their back yard.. and a few good jumps on the trampoline.

also lately, michael and i are doing a lot of dreaming about building a house. ripping pictures out of magazines and news papers. talking about layouts and styles. it is so fun to dream. that dream could become a reality fairly soon.. i'm trying to be patient!

it is so fun to dream :)

no foolin' with poulin

2011-06-15T12:55:00.000-05:00

i am not ashamed of the fact that i can get emotional about silly things
i am a sucker for a good old fashioned celebration
and normally i tear up or cry, even if i don't know any of the people involved
it's for the same reasons that i basically cry through the so you think you can dance auditions.
every time someone is recognized for what they do, affirmed and encouraged.. i just can't help but get emotionally involved.
it's actually something that i really like about myself. i'm not ashamed that i cry over reality tv, commercials, nhl announcements, interviews, or jersey retirement ceremonies.. :)

last night michael & i went on a date to a goldeyes game
i had specifically bought tickets for this game because it was "max poulin night"
now, let me tell you, i really love max poulin. he is an exceptional baseball player, cute guy but also has a humble & kind spirit. he is the player that stayed after games to sign every last signature request. he is the player that went to community events and never turned down an invitation to help out at community events or speaking engagements. last night, he had a little speech after there was a video tribute, a framed jersey, a ring, and all the players were wearing max poulin jerseys. he thanked so many people, but he also encouraged all the kids that were watching, dreaming that maybe they could play baseball professionally. he said that he was already looking forward to sitting in the seats as a fan, watching them play in the future. there is something so cool about kindness when it's in the spotlight. he didn't seem proud or like he expected this honor, he just seemed genuinely humbled. how cool.
so ya, i tear up at emotional thank you speeches from french baseball players. that's my thing :)

i'll miss max poulin. his speed & accuracy during plays. his ability to look good in tight white pants. his smiling & acknowledging of the fans in the crowd. and after the standing ovation for him last night, i know i'm not the only one!

extremes

2011-06-14T11:54:00.000-05:00

yesterday i experienced two extremes of the people in this world

in the afternoon i drove out to the lake with my mom, it was good to spend most of the day with her. i dropped her off at auntie's place to visit, and i went to FBC where i met one of the most wonderful ladies, mary, who has graciously accepted the offer to sit across from me and listen to my ranting and raving (ok, she told me that i don't actually rant.. so that is good!)

it was so good to chat with her again. the last time i went to see her was when i was so overwhelmed in the winter. too busy & stressed to even think or take care of myself, she gave me new ways to look at my situation and new suggestions for tackling the stress in my life. she graciously waited for me to stop sobbing as she asked me the simple question "ashley, who are you?" that i found nearly impossible to answer.

this time around, we started our visit by me updating her on how i'm doing. it was good to be able to talk with confidence of where i'm at, and the healing that has been taking place. i'm not "healed" or magically leaps & bounds ahead.. grief and life are both journeys, that i don't think look the same for any 2 people. at the end of our visit she told me it was good to see the sparkle back in my eye and that she could tell i was more myself. she listened to me talk for an hour about things that are going on in my life, offering suggestions and perspectives. as we were wrapping up our visit she told me that i can feel free to email her at anytime, even just to get something off my chest. it is amazing to have such a safe place to be honest. i left our visit thinking that i am so glad God places such kind, compassionate and wise people in my life. that was the positive extreme of my day.

in the evening we came across a blatant example of the negative extreme of the world we live in! it was the birthday of a very special little guy in our lives, marcus. he turned 8 yesterday! we went to his brother's soccer game first, and then went to marcus' game after. when we got there it was half time, and we were told that they were losing by 1 point, but the worst part was that the other team was quite vicious. pushing, kicking, tripping, taunting. little 8 year olds! when the game started we were shocked to see the bullying going on. some of the players were even shouting rude names & comments at their own goalie when he let a goal in (even though the most vocal kids were the ones that were on defence.. and should have stopped the ball before it got to the goalie.. just saying!). at one point, one of the kids was being so violent and inappropriate that the ref kicked him out for the rest of the game. after some shouting, and lots of hand motions, he sat on the side lines bawling. the coach of marcus' team went over and talked to him and basically said that their team was willing to let him play again if he could play fair. so he came back on. a little while later, we hear the whistle blow three times, the game is over, and the ref (a young girl, probably only 15 or 16) walks off. a glance at our watches makes us realize the game shouldn't be over & something happened. our friend runs over to her to talk, and finds her crying, totally defeated. and he finds out that the reason she called the game short was that parents from the other team had been yelling constantly mean things to her, so she just decided to call it quits and get out of there. our friend walked over to the parents on the other team to inform them of what just happened and to ask them what happened. to remind them that, even if you don't agree with the way the ref is reffing... there is no need for personal attacks on such a young girl. from there, it went from bad to worse. with parents from that team yelling, denying they were any part of the problem, asking the parents of our team if they "wanted to fight" (um, NO! quite the opposite, they wanted to make peace with the poor ref!) and then hi-fiving their kids for their big win.

as the other team paraded off, the kids were saying "what just happened?!" and wondering why that team of kids thought it was ok to play violently and with mean comments throughout the game. it saddened me to see adult bullies, praising their kids for the same behavior. it left me wondering what had gone on in their lives to bring out such anger and impatience. over an 8 year olds soccer game.

one thing that mary told me numerous times over our meeting was that i was only responsible for myself, for my own actions, my own words, my own reactions. that is what i can control, that is how i can set examples and act in love. in peace. in encouragement.

but how hard that can be when we want to prove the point of justice!

another day of grace. to those we love and to those we struggle to even think about loving.

p as in phoebe, h as in heebe, o as in oh-bee, e as in ee-bee, b as in beebee and e as in... 'ello there mate!

2011-06-08T10:58:00.000-05:00

today is another birthday of someone that i LOVE so much.

my dear sissy, phoebe! (*disclaimer, the term sissy is used in love. i am in no way calling her a weakling, my sissy has muscles! for whatever reason it's become my term of endearment for her)

i am a very fortunate & blessed girl. finding such a wonderful friend in my sister-in-law Leah was a gift. i realize that this kind of friendship doesn't always happen. so when i thought about who i would marry, i always hoped that i would have this blessing again. and my hopes came true in michael's sister phoebe. we had a bit of a "rough" start i suppose, phoebe was in a weird spot, as she had been gone in africa the entire year that michael and i started getting interested in one another. also, because of the age difference between michael and i, phoebe is a younger sister to me, but older sister to michael! however, these bumps in the road were quickly smoothed out, and now i don't know what i'd do without phoebs. we love to talk, pray, sing, cry, relax, camp, drink coffee, bake, watch tv/movies together. you name it, we love to do it together. i am so thankful that i was given a second sister-in-law best friend. something i do not take for granted.

i admire my sister phoebe for her hard work & perseverance (especially this last year with finishing her honors degreen in science, her med school prep, interview & patience in the process). i admire her faith & her commitment to others, especially with prayer. i admire her ability to laugh easily, and cry openly, it's a cool thing about our relationship that we can be open on both ends of the emotional spectrum. i admire her crazy biking skills and that biking over the disraeli is no biggie for her! i just really love her.

happy birthday to my dear sissy. my little h-hyphen. happy birthday. i love you lots and i'm SO glad you're my sister. no matter what happens next year with school or work, we'll have a fun year :)

happy birthday to my dear mom

2011-06-07T10:23:00.000-05:00

a mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. - tenneva jordan

if you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. - robert brault

the heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. - honore de balzac

mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. - marion garretty

a mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavour by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. washington irving

sunday was my mom's birthday
and i had the privilege of hosting the party!

as i wrapped the gift (the much awaited ipod touch), set the table, cut up the vegetables.. i spent time thinking about my mom & thanking God for her

i have the best mom. a mom that listens to all my ranting and raving. calls me on choices i've made or things i say. laughs with me all the time. cries with me and is always ready with a hug. a mom that shares her heart with me and her vision for women's ministry. a mom that calls me to pray with/for me before a big test, or interview, or tough experience. a mom that is still happy to have sleepovers with me, where we often stay up too late chatting or watching a movie or just relaxing. a mom that i want to call up to go for coffee, or shopping or for lunch. my mom is my best friend and i truly have a friendship with her.

i realize that this isn't the norm for most people, which makes me all the more grateful for what i do have. my mom is so similar to me (or i guess i'm so similar to her, since she came into the world first!) that i often know what she's thinking or feeling before she even says it (and even when she says she's feeling the opposite and i can see right through it!!). my mom knows how i'm feeling by the tone of my voice over the phone. my mom knows me and still loves me! that is the best! :)

so on sunday we were able to celebrate her, with a bbq steak lunch, presents, peanutbutter icecream cake, watermelon and time playing together with everett as a family, checking out the flowers, the grass, the toys.

i am so thankful for my mom. a pillar in our family, of love, faith, and generosity.
not sure what i'd do without her.

i love you mom. the most. more than you. and way more than 5.
happy birthday and heres to many more!

xo ashes

dare to be remarkable

2011-06-02T14:28:00.000-05:00

years ago my mom bought me a necklace that had a round pendant with the words "dare to be remarkable"
i loved it when i received it and still love it. i wore it a lot and often thought about those words. what could i do in life to be daring, to be ok with being different. in what ways could i fully embrace who i am and love myself in that process? dare to be remarkable.

on one trip i had the necklace in a bag with my shampoo.. which ended up spilling everywhere and tarnishing the necklace. i thought about throwing it out, and call me a hoarder or call me sentimental, but i couldn't part with it.

i came across the necklace again the other day and i can't help but think that it now represents my life even more than it did then. tarnished, "broken", imperfect, but still there. the things i've gone through over the last handful of years have changed & shaped me. i've stumbled through more valleys, and i think i've seen glimpses of mountain tops. i can still dare to be remarkable. the scars & struggles have shown me more things to be confident of within myself. my faith. my family. my perseverance. my passions. in rougher shape than when i started this life, i still have so many reasons & ways to reach for the remarkable.
hows that for inspiration on such a grey day? :)

the necklace

beloved

2011-06-01T18:56:00.000-05:00

i haven't written for awhile
for a number of reasons
being busy with many fun things
and also insecurity
worrying that i don't have anything good to say
or that i'm just patting myself on the back
or talking and rambling for no good

lately i've been realizing that i have lost a lot of confidence for some reason over the past few years.
just more insecure than i have felt before
messages seem to be coming from every which way
you don't do enough
you do too much
you need to spend more time nurturing your christian walk
you're not active enough, healthy enough, pretty enough
people like her more than you.. etc.

those thoughts are so degrading and debilitating.
i think that when you experience something you have a choice as to how you interpret it. you can be offended or let it roll off your back. you can be confident in who you are, or you can doubt. you can take something as a light hearted comment or spend hours looking for the hidden meaning.

the other day i was with a friend, a very beautiful friend that most people can not say enough wonderful things about - and we bumped into someone we both know, and she commented to my friend "wow, you look great!" - now i could take this as a nice thing that is being said to my friend, or... the way that i took it that day - she looks great, and you don't. i've played that conversation over & over in my mind, and it always leaves me feeling defeated. when i could've chosen to just think it was a nice thing to be said about my friend.

i just really dislike having my mind drift more easily toward the negative. i am not totally sure how you magically become more confident. i think it starts with finding my identity in christ. thinking of myself as he thinks of me. spending less time with people or things that leave me feeling less. the hardest ones are the things that seem to seek me out to make me feel less. not sure how to fully be protected from that.

i have started playing my guitar again on a more regular basis (i go thru phases for no real reason) and i have been playing the song "beloved" - i LOVE this song. a friend of mine from university, kris, taught it to me. the first time we sang it together it gave me chills. holy spirit chills, the ones that i get when i am so overwhelmed in worship that i feel completely surrounded by Christ. it is a good reminder for me, especially when i'm feeling down or less confident.

time for more confidence. a change in perspective. time to see myself as his beloved.

lord it was you who created the heavens

lord it was your hands that put the stars in their place

lord it is your voice that commands the morning

even oceans and their waves will bow at your feet

lord who am i compared to your glory?

lord who am i compared to your majesty?

i'm your beloved

your creation

and you love me as i am

you've called me chosen

for your kingdom

unashamed to call me your own

i'm your beloved

happy birthday leah!!

2011-05-19T13:05:00.003-05:00

You can kid the world. But not your sister. ~Charlotte Gray

A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double. ~Toni Morrison

What's the good of news if you haven't a sister to share it? ~Jenny DeVries

Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other. ~Carol Saline

It's hard to be responsible, adult and sensible all the time. How good it is to have a sister whose heart is as young as your own. ~Pam Brown

today is my sisters birthday
leah michelle
my older sister
and dearest friend!

i remember meeting leah for the first time
there was something different about josh
leah brought out a softer, more caring side of josh - at least toward his little sis!

i don't remember life much before leah
she was around for my 14th birthday
sleepovers on the weekend
campfires, silly songs, eating mojos
leah was there while i went through junior high, high school
she listened to me talk about all kinds of boys, crushes, issues, struggles

leah is no sister in law to me. she is my true sister.
i think there are very few people in the world that know me like leah does
she encourages me, laughs at my jokes, shares my humor, prays with me, listens
we've been through the worst circumstances together, and i've been encouraged by her faith & perseverance.
she's made me the auntie of the 2 most beautiful boys in the world.

i love having leah as my sister
i love how much we laugh together, but that we can still share the deeper harder stuff
i love that she loves researching things on the internet & that she loves learning
i love watching her love everett, teaching him with love & patience
i love going through new life stages together
and i love knowing that she will be in my life forever

happy birthday to my sister & my friend!
leah michelle - i love you so much!

love pumpy.

creativity in the night

2011-05-12T11:19:00.000-05:00

i have always loved & appreciated the arts
and any avenue of creative expression
music, dance, photography, writing, drawing

i think it is so neat to be able to see someones creativity & views through one of those avenues.

i find that when there is too much pressure to be creative, or to produce something great, the magic can be lost in the creative. i love writing (as you can probably tell from how much i write on & on...) but if i feel like i have to blog about something, or have to write because its been too long... then it feels contrived & not natural.
i love singing, but whenever i enrolled in a competition i felt like my passion was sucked out because i wasn't just doing it because i enjoyed it.
i love photography, but i have decided not to pursue it on any kind of serious level because i put too much pressure on myself.

being creative is the most fun when you are given a lot of space to be creative!

i was reading about this guy, Nick Risinger, that is the creator of the year-long photographic project dubbed the Photopic Sky Survey - meant to reveal the entire night sky as if it rivalled the brightness of day. In a year he stitched together 37,440 exposures (pictures he took, all over the world) to create a picture of the entire night sky. AMAZING.

he quit his job to pursue this creative project. and the result is gorgeous.
stars we would likely never see, and colours that look too interesting to believe that it's in the sky every night & we miss it due to light pollution, location (to some extent) and forgetting to stop & look up.

check out his website: http://skysurvey.org

here is a picture, if you go on his website you can zoom in on different portions. amazing.

best kid around

2011-05-11T21:37:00.000-05:00

so i was planning on posting a picture of my tattoo this evening
BUT my tattoo artist had to postpone my appointment to friday
so i'm stuck waiting.

instead, i'll post 2 pictures of the best kid around
my vivacious little nephew ev

i took these pictures on sunday when we were celebrating mothers day/granny's day.
he is getting bigger & cuter all the time.
i love his personality.

really i just love him all around!

just lounging. look how big he is!

just goofing around with poppa

you can see all his little teeth in that smile

everything he does is suffused with grace.

2011-05-11T12:09:00.001-05:00

"You'll take delight in God, the Mighty One, and look to him joyfully, boldly. You'll pray to him and he'll listen; he'll help you do what you've promised. You'll decide what you want and it will happen; your life will be bathed in light. To those who feel low you'll say, 'Chin up! Be brave!' and God will save them. Yes, even the guilty will escape, escape through God's grace in your life." job 22:26

God can't stand evil scheming, but he puts words of grace and beauty on display. proverbs 15:26

Look! Listen! There's my lover! Do you see him coming? Vaulting the mountains, leaping the hills. My lover is like a gazelle, graceful; like a young stag, virile. Look at him there, on tiptoe at the gate, all ears, all eyes—ready! My lover has arrived and he's speaking to me! song of solomon 2:8

Oh yes, people of Zion, citizens of Jerusalem, your time of tears is over. Cry for help and you'll find it's graceand more grace. The moment he hears, he'll answer. isaiah 30:19a

"Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace. matthew 6:6

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." matthew 11:28

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever. 2 corinthians 4:16

All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end. romans 5:20

---------------------------------------

If you skim through most of the above scripture, at least read the one in romans (the last of the large list of scripture). it's a beautiful word picture of the saving power of grace. and the way sin has no chance against it.

i have been thinking a lot about grace today. i know that i have mentioned this before, but i will mention it again - my grandma used to start all of her prayers with "thank you Lord for another day of grace". she never took it for granted. though she could've had an unending list of requests & petitions (for health, for strength, for a cure for her sickness to name a few..) she ALWAYS started her ongoing conversations with God by acknowledging, daily, the gift of His grace. it was all about HIM.

i remember when i started dating michael, he was all i could talk about. and i know that for a fact, because a friend of mine even told her it was driving her nuts. she felt like SHE was dating him because she knew every little thing about him.

shouldn't that be what our relationship with christ is like? where we can hardly wait to soak in more of him, and we can't stop going on and on about him & how fabulous he is.

i often call or text michael just to tell him that i love him & i'm thankful for him. not to call him to give him a list of things i need him to do for me, or things i need to vent or complain about (don't get me wrong, i'm 100% human, and do way too much of that!!) why isn't that how i normally approach God?

i want to be more like my grandma. quietly strong & consistently tender. always grateful & putting others before herself. and always acknowledging God's perfect gift of grace.

i'm getting my tattoo today. in memory of my grandma. just under 7 months of losing her, and 1 month after what would have been her birthday. i'm tattooing the words "another day of grace" and striving to live in thankfulness of that gift.

God is good to one and all; everything he does is suffused with grace. psalm 145:9

all things sparkly.

2011-05-10T11:58:00.001-05:00

i feel a bit "racoon-y" today
distracted by all things sparkly

i have been mulling over the idea lately of "living simply" and what the looks like.
i know many people who claim to live simply, but find that it's not that simple to always live "simply" and i don't want to make any bold statements here, only to look hypocritical later.

i have been thinking lately about the fact that i often have more than i need. so the other day i did a jewellery purge. i had found this beautiful black jewellery holder (does living simply mean no more random bargain shopping?? again, conundrum) so i decided to only keep as many necklaces as i could fit on the holder (one per "handle" of the holder) and ended up getting rid of a lot more than i realized i owned. however, i have spent a good chunk of time this morning looking at jewellery online. ahh, distracted by all things sparkly.

we just came back from a trip to vancouver to visit my dearest friends emily & thomas. and it was SO good to be with them. and as an added bonus, we got to spend some time with Gord & Janice (and atticus!) since they let us crash there on the drive to & from vancouver.

driving from winnipeg to vancouver i marvelled over the sights. the simplistic grandeur. the wind turbines dancing & swirling magically on wheat fields. the sun shining over the horizon. farms & animals. the first glimpse of the mountains. driving through the mountains. where each peak seems to be a little more majestic than the last. signs of avalanches. secluded lakes. waterfalls & streams. we were literally surrounded by breath taking creativity.

yet how quickly the sparkly distracts! once i stopped browsing the jewellery this morning, i looked out the window to discover that the tree just across from where i park my car is in full bloom. perfect new buds & leaves. in a neon shade of green. spring is here. refreshing.

while we were driving through the mountains we listened to a lot of worship music on our ipods, and one of the songs was "beautiful one" - which seemed so perfectly fitting to sing while being amazed by God's creation. natural sparkle. nothing on earth is as beautiful as him. amazing!

i think it's easier to live "simply" when we spend more time simply living. marvelling in what we have, who we have to share it with, and who gave it to us! spending more time enjoying, rather than buying new things to enjoy. i'm still learning.

beautiful one i love

beautiful one i adore

beautiful one my soul must sing

you've opened my eyes to your wonders anew

you've captured my heart with this love

because nothing on earth is as beautiful as you.

love ever after

2011-04-27T12:51:00.000-05:00

i found the link to these photographs by Lauren Fleishman on the 22words blog
there are 10 photos in a collection called "love ever after" which includes photos of people married for 50+ years and quotes from them as well. i found myself wishing there were more than 10!

love is a gift
and it's so heart warming when it is so obviously appreciated!

"i am not thinking everyday, oh my husband is 83 years old and my goodness I am married to an old man! and I hope he feels that way too"

"another cadet with high boots had approached her but she didn't like high boots and so she said no to him. i was the second one to approach her, i had a different uniform, but i'm still not sure if it was my uniform or my face that attracted her to me!"

"you know he was very nice looking! in august of this year we will be married 63 years. i would say love came little by little. not right away. we were young and he was older but i liked him."

"i wonder what life would be like if he wasn't here. i don't worry so much about me not being here. i tease him all the time. i say, if i'm not here you better find someone to take care of you!"

"at 2 o'clock we watch the news. i like to read books and he reads the newspaper. what is the secret to love? a secret is a secret and i don't reveal my secrets!"

hope & spring

2011-04-26T11:44:00.000-05:00

i haven't written much lately
i try to be careful not to write much when i'm processing
because i find that if i write when i'm too passionate about something, or too frustrated, or even too apathetic.. it doesn't do anyone any good. and it can make me look pretty crazy. so i save that type of writing for the insides of my journal. a place to process in safety.

i have been feeling overwhelmed lately. by emotions, life situations, cat hair & general life messiness. BUT i have been feeling revitalized by spring.

there will always be part of life that is messier than other parts. i've never met anyone with a perfect life (sorry to any of you that thought you were fooling me!)

i watched the movie "soul surfer" the other day with my sister phoebe & we both basically cried our way through it. it was a beautiful story of hope, perseverance, faith, family & choosing to embrace life no matter what is thrown at you. it is based on the true story of the pro-surfer, Beth Hamilton. when she was a teenager she was attacked by a 14 foot tiger shark while surfing. the shark bit off her entire left arm basically at the shoulder. she goes on to continue pursuing surfing and keeping her faith in God. it is amazing & inspiring.

at one point in the movie, sarah, beth's youth leader, is teaching a sunday school lesson about how hard it can be to have a full perspective of something when you are too close. it can be hard to see outside of our situation, circumstance or even emotion when we are too close. sometimes we need to step back, gain another perspective & just allow space to see what we should do next, or what is the best way to move forward. i often feel that that is true for me. and i have been feeling like i need to take some time & space to figure some things out. life is hard! but we have hope.

spring. refreshing. life giving. new.
but still dirty & messy.
slushy & a lot of work.
but within all of that mess - the world turns back to green.
plants push up from the ground
and life is fragrant.
hope!

the day the Lord created hope was probably the same day he created Spring.

-bern williams

ellsworth

2011-04-20T13:03:00.000-05:00

everyday i read the obituaries on the winnipeg free press site.
i skim for names that i recognize from the carehome, or names that are similar to people i have gone to school with etc. i read the obituaries of individuals that died very young. i love to read obituaries because they are normally written with such love & appreciation for that person. it's neat to read the things that made that person unique.

i have been thinking about the seniors at the carehome a lot lately. aging is scary. it's scary to lose your sanity, or to at all lose who you are. i am very thankful that none of my grandparents went thru alzheimers, although I did get to experience that a bit through michael's mom's dad - and i know how hard that still is for my mom-in-law today. it's hard to lose the person you know, especially if they are still physically here.

there is this beautiful song, sung by rascal flatts. it's called ellsworth, and it is very similar to what i've been thinking about. it's what makes stories like the notebook so wonderful & endearing. it's amazing to know that often when the mind starts to go, the heart doesn't.

Ellsworth

Grandma burned the biscuits

Nearly took the house down with it.

Now she's in assisted livin'

We all knew that day would come.

We knew she was to gone to drive

The day she parked on I-65.

Found her on the shoulder cryin'

She didn't know where she was.

Its like her mind just quit.

Oh but bring up grandpa- its like someone flipped a switch.

A front porch light and a blue Desota,

Couple a straws and a coca cola:

You can see it all goin' down.

A handsome boy in army green

A tear on his face- down on a knee,

Shaky voice- a diamond ring should put you in that town.

Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today,

But just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas, 1948.

She takes out his medals,

A cigar box of letters.

Sits and scatters pictures,

Black and whites of days gone by.

We started losin' her when she lost him,

But to hear her carry on you'd swear she's seventeen again

Football games and leaves a'cracklin'

Walkin' her home in his letter jacket,

You can see it all goin' down.

A perfect night on a front porch glider,

Saying goodnight for the next 3 hours.

Her tired eyes glow wild and bright

When she talks about that town.

Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today,

But just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas 1948.

While the world is fading all around her

Sharin' a sundae at the counter

He's goin' on and on about her

But she's right there right now

Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today

But just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas 1948

honesty | insight | and iced coffee.

be still.

mystery

cupcakes!

stories of cabbage soup

a visit with my 2 favourite little men.

I'm an auntie again!!!!!

let's call a crafter a crafter.

dreaming in kitchens

new post on my photo blog

being me?

felix navidad from fargo

happy birthday everett!

christmas aspirations

on the verge of an opera induced breakdown!

christmas & school don't mix

stampin up

remember

IN FLANDERS FIELDS POEMThe World’s Most Famous WAR MEMORIAL POEM

By Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae

murmurations

food for thought.

birthdays, updates and stampin'

happy halloween!

OK

winter memories

music brain

2 wonderful klassens.

coffee break

Klassen photo shoot

one of those days

thanksgiving

hockey nostalgia

reign in us

3 klassens in a park

recipe extraordinaire!

colors of autumn

anniversary anniversary anniversary!

etsy window shopping

a safe day

snapshots of summer

women refreshed at the well

for strength to trust Him more.

back to school...

don't you know that you're toxic?

you is kind. you is smart. you is important.

september love

listening

waves, rainbows and Dads

tolerance

welcome to the klassen-thiessen's :)

auntie

where i'm from

dream it

perfect treat

a holy & a broken hallelujah

prince albert & banana chocolate cupcakes

lightning bolt

two hundred

random facts on a friday

a legacy of confidence

caution: cat post ahead!

i'm a triple threat in the blog-e-sphere

rushing

reef shoes and fleece pants

elastic math

musical photogenic sugar dreams

manipping ribs, hanging with chad and dreaming of houses.

no foolin' with poulin

extremes

p as in phoebe, h as in heebe, o as in oh-bee, e as in ee-bee, b as in beebee and e as in... 'ello there mate!

happy birthday to my dear mom

dare to be remarkable

beloved

happy birthday leah!!

creativity in the night

best kid around

everything he does is suffused with grace.

all things sparkly.

love ever after

IN FLANDERS FIELDS POEM
The World’s Most Famous WAR MEMORIAL POEM